The Girl Laughs

more than a year later

2010-10-25T21:29:00.004-04:00

EVERYTHING has changed since the last time I posted. Well, not everything, but a LOT of things. I am not going to go into details because a lot of it is noone's business other than Mike, myself and my kids. But I will say that last year I went through a very difficult time and the people that were "there" for me the most were not the people I expected. That's not entirely my fault and it's not entirely anyone else's fault. I let certain people in and some helped and some didn't. As a result, I am now happier than I've ever been. I still have some of the same issues I have always had and will probably always have.

The biggest change has been that Mike and I divorced. I honestly believe it is for the best for Mike and for myself. The kids, unfortunately, are learning what it's like to have two homes. But Mike and I talked in the beginning about the kids and we are parenting together as much as possible. They seem to be adjusting quite well, although I know they'd rather have us together. He is a very good man. He's honest, he's very responsible, he loves his kids more than anything. I will never say a bad thing about Mike. I hope and pray that he finds someone who loves him and values him the way he deserves.

I am happier. I still get depressed and have horrible mood swings. But being with someone who doesn't avoid it and helps me through those times has made a world of difference. I don't blame Mike for not knowing how to "deal" with me. I am not an easy person to live with. I will take a lot of the blame for our marriage failing. But I also know that his heart wasn't in it either. Gary is my best friend. He loves me despite my "bad" qualities. He holds me when I feel out of control with my emotions instead of running the other way. He doesn't like it when I feel like dying would be a better alternative than going on another day, but he realizes it's a temporary thing and he keeps me safe. I could go into so many things about me, my "issues" etc....but it doesn't matter. I'm safe with Gary and I'm happy with Gary. My kids love him, I love him. He's not a perfect man, but he is someone I know I can be happy with forever. The fact that we are friends first makes such a difference.

I gave up a lot when I decided to end my marriage. I lost Mike's family, my church family (for the most part), respect from a lot of people. It wasn't a decision I took lightly. But I made the choice and I don't regret it. I do miss people, miss being a "good" Christian girl. I don't enjoy referring to my ex husband as my "ex husband Mike" because I have two ex-husbands. I used to call friend of the court and listen to the automated phone message..."please choose which of your case numbers you are calling about" and I would think "what kind of loser would have more than one case number??". I am that loser. I have had four children with 3 different men. I am divorced twice. Things are never black and white. I know that I am a good person. On paper I would not look that way. But noone has lived my life, noone has been in my relationships. So as long as I know I'm a good person, that's all that matters. I am the one who has to face God. Noone has the right to judge me or anyone else in this life. It's human to judge. But unless you truly know the entire story, you better pay attention to the plank in your own eye first.

One thing hasn't changed - I still ramble and make no sense.

2009-10-16T12:39:00.001-04:00

these kids don’t seem to mind the rain. I’m tired of it. The rain and the cold and everything that is Michigan right now. It almost seems as if we had an extra short summer and then skipped right to November. And I have a feeling it’s going to be another long winter. Blech.

Last night Leah and I drove up to McBain, Michigan to see Selah – our MOST FAVORITEST Christian group ever. It was a nice drive – probably about 1-1/2 hours and we got to catch up and talk and be silly like we usually are. And we got to see the cool “Wind farm” in McBain…I want to strap myself on and go for a ride! These things are HUGE.

(I know the pictures are dark but I don’t feel like fixing them)

Then we got our 2 hours of great music followed by our usual autograph getting and a few minutes of chitchat (because we stayed until almost everyone else was gone so we could get pictures and talk). We’re both looking forward to next month when they come to a church just 5 minutes from home. But the drive was worth it.

I don’t know why I was so shiny. Other than I was having hot flashes and I don’t “do” makeup. I guess I’m just a shiny girl. But that’s us…Me and Leah up top and then Allen, Amy & Todd at the table. Todd probably thinks Leah and I are creepy stalkers because we sit right up front and we just SMILE and SMILE and take pictures. And then we go through the line twice (we were first and then we were last). We’re not stalkers…we just LOVE Selah. :)

I suppose I should update this thing

2009-10-06T13:20:00.001-04:00

I don’t think blogging is fun anymore. I love to read other peoples’ but my own is more like one of those jobs you don’t want to do but you do it anyway because it’s expected (kind of like making lunches for the kids…I LOATHE that chore…but I do it anyway because they have to eat)

Let’s see…when was the last update? My cousin’s wedding? That was about a week and a half ago so I have to think back and figure out what’s happened since then…not much really.

One big thing is Artprize. It’s a big contest in our fine city (Grand Rapids, Michigan) with over 1200 artists participating. Right now it’s down to the top 10 (of which only one really IS a top 10 piece in my opinion) and the top prize is $250,000. It’s been really amazing to watch our city come alive. Grand Rapids isn’t very big…you can walk from one end of downtown to the other within 10 minutes. But it is a nice city with lots of things to do (although I can never seem to come up with something to do when I need to). So anyway, I’ve been downtown a lot the past couple of weeks looking at art and taking pictures. After this weekend it’s done so I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. Here are some of my favorites…

Manimal by Saul Gray-Hildenbrand Octopus by Lucille Olechowski Portraits by Eric Daigh (created with thumbtacks) Windseeds by Norman Mooney

Salt & Earth by Young Kim (He uses “tablets” of salt with earth from the area to create portraits of city residents – very cool!)Red Ball: Grand Rapids by Kurt Perschke

Dresses like the Sky by Yolanda Gonzalez (a flickr friend!)

The first (and probably last) wedding

2009-09-29T16:42:00.001-04:00

It was so nice to see my little baby cousin Kelly get married to a genuinely good guy. I guess she’s not really a BABY cousin anymore…she’s 21 – I was 13 when she was born – so she always SEEMED like my baby cousin. She looked beautiful and so happy. It was a very stressful afternoon but once the wedding began everything was perfect. Right down to the minister (who is also Heath’s grandfather) talking about Hanky Panky & getting too many people involved in the relationship (I think you had to be there and really pay attention to get what he was saying – I was there but I was paying attention to getting good shots instead of the actual ceremony). Here are just a few photos. I ended up getting some that were good but with the way time was going that day we didn’t get to do nearly what we wanted. We went from expecting 2-3 hours for photos to having about 30 minutes (RUSHED minutes)

testing testing…

2009-09-21T22:22:00.001-04:00

I’m just trying to see if this new Windows Live Writer thing works.

I got the new laptop today. It’s big. and heavy. But it’ll be great for my photo editing…and facbook. Because what else is there?

My cousin’s wedding is this week so I need to get ready for that. I’m still nervous. I’d really like to do a good job. I’m not confident at all.

There’s your photo. It’s a pig statue at the Allegan County Fair. It showed all the parts. I still think it’s odd that the shoulder is called the butt and the butt is called the ham. Silly pig part namers.

Reluctant Goalie

2009-09-14T09:43:00.001-04:00

Reluctant Goalie, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Soccer has officially started. They won the first game. Only 5 more to go and then Ben will never have to play again. He is obviously not a soccer kind of guy. They should have lightsaber teams.

I don't feel like doing this blog thing anymore. I guess I'll have to just see what happens. Nothing in my life is interesting enough to share. Even I'M bored with it.

2009-09-08T08:45:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I know there aren't many readers of my blog (outside of my family), but I want to help out in any way I can. So if you want to please go check out this website http://fightforfeuille.com/

He's the guy I was talking about that I "know" from Flickr. His baby boy was just born recently and he has two young daughters. His wife and kids are hoping to make it up to Indiana from Texas soon to be with him while he goes through treatment for Testicular cancer that has spread to his lungs. He just finished his first round of chemo and is getting stronger after a stemcell transplant so that he can go on to the next round. It breaks my heart anytime I hear about a family affected by cancer, but especially a young family with small kids.

I just got back from dropping my kids off at school. It didn't go very well this morning but I'm really hoping we get the kinks worked out this week and go on to a smooth year. It would help if I paid attention and got off at the right exit and turned the right way when I had to leave the parking lot. But everyone made it on time and I managed not to swear (although I did yell at other drivers A LOT).

Nicole was a bit nervous about not being able to find her classes so I reassured her that they expect that kind of thing from Freshmen on their first day. I'm sure she'll be fine. She looked awful cute in her uniform, too. I'm excited for her. I know it's going to be hard - especially the beginning of this year, but it's going to be worth it. Did I tell you that I found out she has to do a Senior Thesis?? This is what her handbook says : (you can skip this if you're bored!)

" Central to the culmination of our academic and moral focus curriculum is the Senior Thesis. This senior project application is due in the spring of a students junior year. The project should reflect a specific interest of the student and is either an extension of work begun in an academic course or work outside of academic courses and must be pre-approved. The project should reflect the culmination of student knowledge and experience and represent the student's best work. Students must choose a faculty advisor/mentor for their project. The faculty advisor should be knowledgeable in the area the student is researching and willing ot communicate and give feedback to the student on a regular basis.

All students MUST successfully complete a senior thesis in order to receive the GRPHS diploma. There are three key functions of the Senior Thesis:
1. To complete the GRPHS diploma requirements;
2. To prepare for the college research demands;
3. To explore a career interest: "My future plan for a life well lived."

In addition, the senior thesis provides an opportunity for students to research a specific area of interest with a mentor and develop and complete an original process/product -- something that contributes to the field of study. The thesis involves three parts: The process, the paper and oral presentation/defense.

-research - you will select a topic, gather information and keep a portfolio of project activities. It is due when you give your formal presentation (25 points)

-Project/product - you will produce a project or multi-media product that applies or explains some aspect of your research (25 points)

- Formal presentation - You will make a formal presentation to a panel of faculty in May. After the presentation you will answer questions from faculty and parents about the research and learning. (25 points)

- Reflection paper - you are required to submit a 5-10 page, typed paper that describes your experience and project from start to finish. The reflection paper is due when you give your formal presentation (25 points)

Students must earn a minimum of 75 points to pass their senior project."

Yeeeaaaah....that just sounds hard to me. I sure didn't have to do anything like that in highschool. I think it's a good thing, but I'm not looking forward to it.

2009-09-04T18:11:00.002-04:00

heartside, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I'm feeling a little down this week. I started out so well, optimistic and ready to do what needs to be done. Now I'm just kind of "lonely" feeling. I'm not alone and I know that but I just feel alone. Even if I had 100 people I love around me I'd feel alone so it's not something anyone is doing. I just get this way sometimes.

I went on two photowalks this week and had fun both times. I got a few decent pictures - but nothing extraordinary. The kids had their orientation/open houses for school. I'm looking forward to a new year. Yet I'm nervous for NIcole. I know she is very capable of doing well, but after last year I know it's going to be up to me to be on her every day. And that's not how I'd like to spend the next 4 years. Ben has Kaleyshka in his class so he's happy. Noah doesn't really have any of his good friends in his class but I'm sure he'll make more friends. The kids have their hairs cut. Nicole has the appropriate shoes now. School supplies are packed up into backpacks...I think we're ready.

I found my mom & I's favorite LIcorice tea at Family Fare. That was the bright spot to my day. I'll see her Sunday and give it to her. She'll be happy. :)

changes

2009-08-31T00:21:00.001-04:00

For you and me, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Sometimes I sense a shift in myself and it's usually not a good thing. Lately I've been feeling just plain old not satisfied with my life. And when I'm not satisfied with my life I tend to either 1) get really depressed or 2) do something about it. Luckily, over the years I've learned when I'm about to do a nosedive into depression and I can control it a bit better. Not completely on my own but significantly. I know now that I can survive it and it will get better in time.

I don't consider myself a very good Christian. Not that any Christian is able to be good. I know that. But I feel as if I was starting to give up on even trying to be "good" and that is part of what was bringing me down. I was getting selfish and thinking I deserve everything I want in life. But what is it I really want? REALLY want?
Do I want money? A happy marriage? Healthy, well behaved kids? A bigger house with a maid and a cook? Well, yes I do want those things. But is that all that it would take? Absolutely not. And today in church I felt myself shift back to the person I want to be. It's hard to describe what I mean, but something clicked. I love God. I love Jesus and I believe with all of my heart that he is all I need to have Joy. Now I just have to remind myself of that DAILY...maybe even hourly, or every moment. I'm not the type of person to go out and talk about my faith or try ot push it on others. I am fairly private about it and maybe that's why I tend to "shut it off" when I'm around people I don't know well or that I know are not Christians. And that's so wrong. Who am I trying to impress? Who REALLY matters to me? I love a lot of people, especially my family and friends, but the only one who loves me the way I want to be loved is God. He's the ONLY one. And I spit in his face every time I knowingly do something that goes against what he wants for me. Why would I do that to someone who loves me?

It breaks my heart when I see people I love not knowing they are loved this way.

Anyway, I am going to work hard at being the person I want to be. I want to be someone I'm not ashamed of. And I want God to look at me when I make it heaven and tell me "well done, faithful servant". Because that is ALL that matters. That's all that EVER mattered.

Green

2009-08-29T18:00:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I've been feeling kindof in a funk lately. Just looking for some direction in life, wondering about whether or not I should be working. I'm having a hard time being the person I should be and want to be. But don't worry...I'll get back on track.

This is from the Metro Cruise today. It's a ton of people, tons of classic cars. I don't much like either so I didn't stick around long. And this is the only somewhat decent photo I took.

Siblings

2009-08-26T15:53:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

My friend Leah and I took my kids back out to Townsend park the other day. I wanted to look around more for my cousin's wedding and get a few photos of all of my kids together.

I love this picture. My boys absolutely ADORE their big sister. And although she gets annoyed with them she adores them as well. I have some really good kids. I must be doing something right, although I don't know what it is.

field trip!

2009-08-18T18:28:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

The boys and I went out to Townsend Park near Cannonsburg, Michigan this afternoon to get some pictures. My aunt has asked me to take photos for my cousin Kelly's wedding in September and this is the park she will be married at. I have been there dozens of times over my lifetime but the last time was probably at least 10 years ago. So I put the boys in matching clothes, packed some extras and we took off. It's not terribly far away...maybe 30 - 40 minutes. We stopped for lunch on the way and then when we got there I led them to the creek where I always played when I was younger and we had picnics there. They LOVED it. By the time we left they were both soaked. I got some decent pictures (nothing too posed - I'm horrible at those), but I didn't get a chance to look around for wedding ideas. So I will have to go back soon - probably once they are in school so I don't have to play in the creek as much.

Nicole is gone today and most of tomorrow because Tiffany is leaving and they wanted one more day together. We took Ben out to Happy's Pizza last night for his birthday dinner. He loves pizza so he was happy. He was also happy with his gifts - all Star Wars. Tomorrow we are going to hang around home and hopefully get some things done for school - going through clothes, organizing, getting supplies rounded up. Or maybe I'll edit photos and they'll run around and play. You just never know.

Noah tries to "fart the car"

2009-08-13T12:17:00.001-04:00

Noah tries to "fart the car"
Originally uploaded by laniee75

it's hard to explain this. It's a family thing. But it involves rumble strips. I told Noah he's not old enough but he tries anyway

Summer

2009-08-12T14:18:00.001-04:00

Ben, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Summer is just flying along. We only have about 4 weeks until school begins. And most weekends are busy. So I am trying to think of cheap things to do with my kids before school starts. I'm hoping to get back to the beach at least once with them. Nicole will be home more after this week because her cousin Tiffany is leaving to go back to Dubai. Nicole is spending this last week over there before she goes.

Willow still isn't found. I guess someone has set traps around their property up there because they think there is a bobcat in the area. I'm worried Willow got into one of them. My mom called the shelters yesterday but never got to speak to an actual person so she was waiting to hear back when I talked to her last night.

There's a guy named Rob on Flickr who is going through treatment for cancer. If you could keep him in your prayers it would be appreciated. He's a really nice guy...a nice wife, 2 little girls and a baby boy due in the next month or so. He is getting treatment in Indianapolous but his family is in Texas so they won't be together like I'm sure they want to be. He's supposed to be getting stem cell transplants and I guess that is a brutal treatment - they have to completely kill off his immune system? I'm not sure on the specifics but it sounds as if it's going to be really hard. And, like I said, Rob is a really good man...he has faith and from everything I've seen and heard about him, he is just very special. So if you could pray for Rob and his family, please do.

Tonite I'm taking Ben downtown for the last Blues on the Mall. I took Noah earlier this summer and promised Ben he'd get a turn. Well, I'm glad Becki told me this is the last one! And the weather is perfect so it will be fun. Ben is more excited about getting a hotdog down there than anything else. :) I'm excited to spend some time with my little Benny Benito (who is going to be 8 on Sunday) and also to see some friends (including Becki! - three days in a row!!).

This weekend is my cousin Kelly's bridal shower (at my mom's) and then on Sunday my brother and his new wife, Bethany, are having their party (at my mom's). I feel bad that my mom has so much to get done. She takes on way more than she should. I want to help her, but I don't know what to do. Hopefully being there early Saturday with Nicole will help. I think we'll have a good time and it'll be nice to see everyone. I do feel kindof bad for Ben though. His birthday is Sunday and we'll be at RJ's party all day. So we won't be able to celebrate it as a family until Monday. And actually...I have a meeting Monday night that I forgot about. eesh. We'll figure something out. He'll be happy as long as he gets to open his gifts. He is going to LOVE his new Star Wars toys.

Poor girl

2009-08-11T09:39:00.001-04:00

Poor girl, originally uploaded by laniee75.

This is a photo of Willow from a few years ago. She still looks pretty much the same. In the winter her coat is grown out a lot longer though.

I was at my mom and Ted's Saturday and Sunday and Willow went missing sometime Saturday evening. We had some pretty big storms go through and she's terrified of storms, but she had already been gone for hours by the time they started. We looked for her and couldn't find any trace of her anywhere. Today is Tuesday and last I heard they still hadn't seen her or found her. My mom thinks she would have been home if she was able (obviously) so something has obviously happened to her. I pray she is safe in a shelter or in someone's home but it doesn't seem likely.

Willow is a sweet girl. She has the attitude of a princess and has stinky breath. But she is very much loved. It's so hard on my mom when something happens to her dogs...she loves them each so much. I'm still hoping though. I can't imagine Thunderfeet kennels without our little Wootie.

Noah found dinner

2009-07-25T17:23:00.001-04:00

Noah found dinner, originally uploaded by laniee75.

We (the boys and I) used our free pass to our local zoo Thursday. We actually spent 2-1/2 hours there which is about 2 times what we normally spend. We have a small zoo. And most of it is very old and (to me at least) depressing. But Noah loves to see the animals and they have a few "hands on" exhibits so he was happy.

It's after 5:00 pm on Saturday and not a single person in this family has accomplished anything. Mike went fishing this morning and I took the boys to a Kid 2 Kid toy sale the city was putting on to look for Star Wars toys. Then I came home and looked at my house and what a disaster it is and just sat on the couch and ignored it. Mike was going to build shelves in the boys' closet but for some reason he's not. I'm just irritated and don't feel like doing anything. I will though. Because I'm tired of living in a mess. I just wish I had room for everything. Or at least a place to hide things. We need more closets.

Tomorrow I'm going to church (which I haven't done in quite a while) and then I'm heading up to my mom's WITHOUT THE BOYS!! We're planning my cousin Kelly's bridal shower and I'm picking up my Colee on the way. I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

Spotted in Grand Haven

2009-07-22T23:23:00.001-04:00

Spotted in Grand Haven, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Ed McMahon. July 19, 2009.
See??? I TOLD YOU!

Grand Haven Pier

2009-07-19T13:45:00.001-04:00

Grand Haven Pier, originally uploaded by laniee75.

yesterday (Saturday) I participated in the 2nd annual Scott Kelby's Worldwide Photowalk in Grand Rapids. I wasn't happy with any of my photos from the Grand Rapids location (Millenium Park) where there are mostly just flowers, gravel pits and rusty old Oil wells. Nothing about it screamed "This is Grand Rapids!". I still had a good time though because there were Flickr people there that I consider friends. It's always fun to get together with them.

After the photowalk I had to get tires on Petey. Poor Petey was having a hard time in the rain and I just didn't feel safe with the tires we had anymore. I have a hard time spending so much money on things like tires but I know it's necessary to keep my kids safe. I was pleasantly suprised when I was out of the tire place 20 minutes after my scheduled appointment.

There was another photowalk in Grand Haven and Mike said I could leave for the rest of the day so I jumped on the opportunity. Becki's husband Vince wanted to go, too so I rode out with him. It was strange leaving Becki behind...I love doing things with her, but she couldn't get away with the kids and she had told Vince he could go. So Vince and I headed out and after a long drive that took us through Holland (don't ask me how - it's not anywhere on the way to Grand Haven from Grand Rapids but I figured he knew what he was doing) we ended up where we needed to go only to discover we were the youngest people in the group. And Ed McMahon was there! And I think maybe someone who works with Mike saw me with my friend's husband. I promise there was no physical contact other than when I bumped into him because I thought he was turning to walk a different way. And we quickly backed away from each other. And he told Becki...so everything is ok.

I got home at Midnight and stayed on the computer looking at photos from the past few months until 2am. Then I went to bed and had heartburn from the Tiger Butter fudge.

Now it's 1:42pm on Sunday and I haven't accomplished much.

Friday Meme

2009-07-17T10:26:00.004-04:00

Borrowed from http://www.friday5.org/

What random letter was generated by the online random-letter generator? (this doesn’t really count as one of your five questions) H

With what famous person, whose name begins with the letter in question #1, would you most like to be stuck on a desert island? Honny Hepp...hahahah...no really...let me think...Tom Hanks

What food item, whose name begins with the letter in question #1, can always be found in your pantry? Hot Sauce. :)

What song, whose title begins with the letter in question #1, always makes you feel good? Handy Manny Theme song. Good memories of time spent with my boys.

What is your least-favorite film whose title begins with the letter in question #1?
Hannah Montana

What unusual animal, whose name begins with the letter in question #1, would be a fun pet?
Hedgehog!

the big boys

2009-07-11T11:37:00.001-04:00

the big boys, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Becki and I took our boys out to Grand Haven for the day. It was a cloudy day but it was also perfect. It was warm enough to be comfortable but the sun wasn't beating down on the sand to make it too hot to walk on.

Ben & Noah had never even set eyes on Lake Michigan before and it was fun to see their reaction. The water was a bit cold for me and Noah but Ben & Alex had a great time swimming and playing in the waves.

I was always afraid to take my boys to the beach because I'm terrified of them getting sucked into the undertow. But they did fine and I am all ready to try again. I wanted to go today but I don't know that Mike is ready for it with his boot. I'll keep working on him.

Noah let Mike pull his tooth last night. The tooth fairy must have come fairly early because around 1:45am I heard someone coming out of the boys room. I figured it was Ben or Noah going to the bathroom but then I heard someone in the kitchen. I knew it was one of them getting into something but I was too tired to get up and check. This morning Ben came in our room all excited because his tooth had come out "at 1:45am". He was in the kitchen getting a baggy for his tooth. But the tooth fairy had already come for Noah's tooth. Now Ben wants to wait until Nicole is home so he can show her. :)

Oh, yeah. I had my eye appointment and I'm still legally blind in my right eye. And now I also have a cataract. I'm not worried about that. The eye is pretty much useless to me so I'm just going to concentrate on keeping my other eye healthy. The IOP was a bit high in my "good" eye so I may go have it rechecked. My mom has glaucoma and I have heard it can be hereditary. So I'm going to keep on top of it.

Tractor boy

2009-07-08T15:01:00.001-04:00

Tractor boy, originally uploaded by laniee75.

We're still here. Enjoying summer.
We were at my dad & Karen's for 4 days (although not 4 days straight). Noah found my little brother's old pedal tractor and he is in love. He washed it a few times and he pedals it all over the long driveway.

Tonight I am going to the eye doctor. I need a new supply of contacts for my one good eye since I have made a 3 month supply last 2-1/2 years. (I have to admit I don't follow instructions). Then I'm going to come home and work on the boys' closet some more. I'm hoping to have shelves built VERY SOON so we can have a bit more organization in there. Mike has his cast off and is off of his crutches so I think he should jump right into some projects!

he WANTED it!

2009-07-03T09:37:00.001-04:00

he WANTED it!
Originally uploaded by laniee75

Typical car behavior.

Koolaid mohawk

2009-06-26T13:26:00.001-04:00

Koolaid mohawk, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Noah's new hair.

I just pulled his first loose tooth. He was terribly excited. Now he's putting it in a baggy to put under his pillow. :)

Jumper

2009-06-22T18:03:00.001-04:00

Jumper, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I really do love Summer. I'm not a huge fan of the humidity but I love the freedom and doing things with my kids. I haven't seen Nicole in over a week and won't until the 27th. I miss her.

Father's Day was pretty uneventful. I went to church and then went home to get the boys ready to head over to my dad & Karen's for swimming. Mike stayed home. We (the boys, Kimmy & I) played in the pool for a few hours. My dad wasn't even home until about 6:00. And then when he was home he was busy trying to fix the A/C and their well. So I guess it wasn't really a father-oriented day.

Tomorrow I have to go to the dentist because my tooth broke or a filling fell out. I'm just really hoping it's not going to turn into another crown because we can't afford it. I used to have such nice strong teeth. Then I had kids. I think they leeched out the strength for themselves when I was pregnant.

We really don't have any big plans for most of the week. I like it that way. :)

2009-06-16T21:28:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

This photo just makes me happy.

We are having a busy busy summer vacation so far. Last week was VBS every night and this week is a different thing called Kids Games (a bible based program with an emphasis on different sports & games - Noah picked "Drawing Animals" and Ben picked Soccer). They are gone from 9am until 12:30 pm and then we spend the rest of the day having fun. Yesterday we bought new shoes for the boys, played at the park and had a picnic and finished the day with the movie UP (actually just Noah and I went to the movie because Ben didn't want to). Today we went out to my dad & Karen's to swim and visit. Tomorrow we will have a fun afternoon at the Plasma donation place since I haven't been there since before Disney and I need to start earning money to PAY for Disney.

Nicole is gone until the 27th and I miss her. We had actually been getting along pretty well so it's hard not having her around to talk to.

Mike's doing ok. He's sick of being on crutches and not being able to do what he wants. He is back to work this week and will get a cast on Thursday. I hope he gets blue but if he gets white I will probably paint it while he sleeps... >:o) I can't believe he isn't excited to have a cast! I've always wanted one and I never break anything. Although last weekend I thought for sure I was going to break my foot when I fell off of the curb in front of Gander Mountain. Fortunately my bones are still strong and they could handle it. If I'm going to break a bone I prefer it to be one I don't need so much. Like maybe my left arm.

Not much else is going on but I do want to say CONGRATULATIONS to Judy on her new grandson who was born yesterday evening! Yay! Go check out Judy's blog if you haven't already - she's over on my sidebar - it's called "Anybody Home". She's hilarious. And she lives about 3 miles from me and we've NEVER met in person. That's hard to believe since I tied with her husband on the "How well do you know Judy" quiz on Facebook. :)

Things change

2009-06-08T13:21:00.001-04:00

Mike & Noah, originally uploaded by laniee75.

This photo is one of my favorites of Mike. I probably already put it up on this blog somewhere but I like it so much that I don't care. I love Noah's dirty little face and his new mohawk and the way he has his little arms around his daddy's neck. And I love the look on Mike's face because it's the face he makes a lot when the kids are having fun with him. If you know Mike you know he's not a really smiley person and he's also not one to talk about feelings or talk much at all. It just makes my heart melt when he and my kids share little moments like this because they are somewhat rare. My kids can bring things out of him that I never could.

Oh yeah, change. That's what I wanted to write about. I've had a busy week with school, Mike's foot surgery, out-of-school things like graduations and trips. Today is the first day I have any time to just sit and not have to worry about what needs to be done (well, that's not exactly true because we do have the orthodontist at 4:00 and VBS at 6:30). So I'm sitting here on the computer, checking email, facebook, flickr to see what my friends are up to. And then I realized, I haven't seen or talked to my best friend since BEFORE we left for Disney. Things haven't been the same with us since...gosh, I can't even remember when it was but it's been months. We used to talk almost every day. I miss her. But I don't know how to make things go back to how they were. I don't know if it's possible which is a change because we have NEVER had a time where we couldn't just start up where we left off and have the same friendship we always had. It's hard to take that step and reach out now because I feel guilty. I feel as if I've abandoned her even if it was because I had to step back for a while. I don't know what I should do. I love her dearly, I always will. But something has changed and part of me is ok with it. And that just starts up the feelings of guilt again.

Another change is the way things are going at home. I'm used to taking the kids and doing what ever we want over the summer. We normally spend a lot of time at my mom's or my dad's swimming, playing outside, "camping" or just whatever we want. Now I have Mike who can't make his own meals (well, he can make them but he can't relocate them on crutches) so I have to be here. It's not forever and I am trying SO hard to be a good wife and understand that this is what a wife does. But I feel resentful because all of a sudden our summer is limited to things that allow us to be close by so he's not alone and starving. I don't want to be this way. And I just keep telling myself that it's only one summer. And it's probably not as bad as I think. We could spend the night somewhere and he'd just have to find a way to make it work but then I worry that he's going to feel neglected. I'm just NOT a nurturing person when it comes to my husband. And he's not when it comes to me. It's just the way we are. It's the way we've always been. I remember one time I was violently ill (I won't get into details but let me just say it was one of those times you just didn't know which end to "cover" first) all night and when I told him I was staying home from work he basically told me I needed to go to work because I wasn't "that sick". And, stupid me, I listened and somehow made it to work only to be told by my boss that I better get home because I didn't look well. That's just Mike. He is the one who probably would have told me to "toughen up" while pushing his sons into the world if I hadn't threatened him first. So when he has a broken foot, is pretty much taking up my entire living room and TV and can't even get his own drink, yeah...I am tempted to tell him to "toughen up".

Mike's surgery went well. He has a screw in his 5th metatarsal and is in a splint (half cast) for 2 weeks and then he should get a short cast. He won't be able to put any weight on his foot for at least 4 weeks. His doctor is awfully cute. I told Mike I may break my foot.
He also got tiny cookies after his surgery and tried to slow his heartrate like a ninja. I have it all on video. He doesn't remember most of it.

Well, I'm off to read a book. The kids are watching Star Wars and Mike's using MY tv so I'll just go read some more.

2009-06-02T09:53:00.001-04:00

come here my pretty, originally uploaded by laniee75.

My photos don't usually have anything to do with what I'm posting. I'm sure I'm not the only one who notices that. I just like this one.

Mike has a "Jones Fracture" - it's a fracture fo the 5th Metatarsal. He may need to have a screw put in and then will probably be in a cast for a while. I've ready different things about it. Some say it will take longer to heal than a "normal" fracture because there is less blood supply to that area of the bone. Others (including the doctor he saw) say it will be about 4 weeks in a splint & cast. So I don't know what to expect yet. He is at work today (and yesterday) so I guess he'll be working as usual (minus the walking and climbing ladders). He's planning to take off the week we would have been at the cottage because if he has the surgery it will most likely be next week sometime and he wants to have time to recuperate.

All I know is that I'm not good at sharing. I'm trying to be nice but he's on my couch and using my TV. I guess it hasn't been that big of a deal because it does make me go to bed earlier and I read instead of watching TV (although before I'd just do both at the same time). He's just lucky it's not in the middle of good tv time. There's not much on that I want to see so I just let him lay there and use my remote. And sometimes I'll even get him a drink or something. Yeah...if this is what I have to look forward to when he's "old" I'm not going to take it very well. Ha. Just kidding. I love my husband and I know he would take care of me - sort of.

Today is Noah's Kindergarten graduation. And Thursday is Nicole's 8th grade graduation. Things are changing for my kids. They're growing up way too fast and I'm not sure I'm ok with it.

Why now?

2009-05-30T09:16:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Yesterday, at work, Mike broke his foot. He is in a orthopedic shoe and on crutches and will probably have to be off of that foot for 8-12 weeks. He has to see a specialist and HOPEFULLY he'll get a walking cast. But I'm thinking more than likely he'll be out of work for quite a while. And that means we have to depend on Worker's Compensation which is a 20-40% decrease in his pay. I'm not even sure how it works because we've never had to rely in it before. We are not good with money. We have nothing in savings and we usually just scrape by each month. I'm not saying this for sympathy...I just can't believe how stupid we are. I always knew something like this could happen. I just always figured it probably wouldn't. Well, we'll get by. We cancelled the trip to the cottage (ok with me - not with the kids) and we'll just have to live very cheaply this summer.

Today I'm taking Noah to soccer and then we're going up to my mom's for the day. I want Mike to go since he really can't do anything while he's on crutches...like feeding himself...how's he going to carry it?. But he won't go. He's a turd like that.

moms

2009-05-28T17:10:00.001-04:00

moms, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I really love this photo of my mom & my grandma (mom's mom).
We spent some time at my brother's house on Memorial Day playing with his puppies (which are probably the cutest puppies ever). And then on the way back to my mom's we swung by my grandma's house. She was making chicken. A lot of chicken. So we ate chicken and talked. My grandma is getting older and it's sad to know that someday we won't have her around. And then thinking about that makes me even more sad because I know chances are I won't have my mom around for the rest of my life either (although I won't allow her to go before me - I just can't handle it). I guess all I can do is love them while I have them. And I do.

While on facebook today I was pleasantly suprised by a friend request from a friend I hadn't seen or talked to in about 17 years. He was my good friend's boyfriend and we all used to hang out and get in trouble together (my boyfriend and I and those two). He's living in a different state now but he's coming up in about a week so we talked about a little reunion. I really hope it works out because I'd love to see them all again and catch up. I think about those guys a lot. It was a short time in my life but it was one of the most fun and most heartbreaking times of my life as well. I also found out that he comes here to read my blog because my old boyfriend gave him the link. It's funny to me that they have been keeping up on me without me knowing it for a while. So "hello" to Bob & Gary. You guys are stinkballs. Quit stalking me. :)

I'm still recovering

2009-05-23T18:00:00.001-04:00

I touched his butt., originally uploaded by laniee75.

I still love Disney. I can't wait to go back. We had great weather for 4 of the days and the other 2 were manageable.

I missed my boys and I got teary eyed a lot. Whenever I saw other little boys having fun, whenever I saw something they would have liked, whenever I thought about them, whenever I breathed. Yeah...I couldn't do it again. Not that we didn't have fun. It was a great bonding time for my sister and my daughter and I. Although we've been back for 4 days and my daughter is already rolling her eyes at me and acting like I'm a dork again.

I have a lot of pictures. Most of my favorites are on Flickr...if you'd like to see just click on the one above (in which I am NOT touch Buzz's butt - anymore) and it will take you to Flickr and you can click on the set from Disney and look at them. :)

Now I have to focus on the cottage which in in about 3 weeks. I don't know if we can afford it but I suppose we're going anyway. I'm not a huge fan of the cottage. Actually I'm just not a huge fan of going somewhere where I still have to do everything I have to do at home but in someone else's home where I don't have my things. I think it will be better this year because the boys are a little older. Or maybe it will be worse because they fight so much.

Before the cottage is Nicole's 8th grade graduation. I have to find her a dress or a skirt and it's a pain in the butt because she doesn't like either. I also have to fork over another $32 for her trip to Cedar Point even though she said she isn't going on any big rides (for those who haven't been there - it's pretty much ALL ABOUT the big rides). I guess I'm a little bitter since I will be paying for Disney and broke for about the next 6 months of my life. Stinkin' class trips. All we did was go to Bob-lo island. It probably cost about $10.

DIsney World here we come!

2009-05-10T20:42:00.001-04:00

Cinderella's castle at Dusk, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I have 3 days until I am in my favorite place. I can't believe it's already happening! I can't believe I have to be THE Adult on this trip. I have to drive to the other side of the state and get the three of us on a plane ALL BY MYSELF!

My boys don't know where I'm going to be. I think they've heard Nicole and I talking about Disney but I don't think they have connected the fact that they are staying at Grandma's with me and NIcole leaving. I feel kind of bad. But then, I don't. I think NIcole & I need this.

We had a great Mother's Day up at my mom's. We just got home around 8:00 and Noah is asleep (he fell asleep in the car). He had a busy day jumping and running and exploring and playing basketball (with his own unique scoring - as long as you jingle the net you score). I had a lot of fun and love being with my mom. I came home feeling refreshed. I was in a foul mood this morning before church so I needed it. Ben decided to spend the day with his dad and his dad's family. I wish I could have wished Mom P. a Happy Mother's Day in person but it's hard to be two places at once. (Luckily Karen and my Dad left for a trip to Branson, MO today so I didn't have to figure out three places).

Well, this will be my last post until at least the 20th. I hope all of my friends and family had a nice day and I'll be sharing lots of Disney stuff when I get back! YAY!!! wooohoooooO!!!!

From Noah to Grandma

2009-05-05T13:48:00.001-04:00

From Noah to Grandma
Originally uploaded by laniee75

Noah wanted to send Grandma Ann a special birthday message. I hope you are able to watch this on your slow computer, mom.

I hope you have an amazing birthday. We love you and can't wait to see you in 5 short days!

Birthday treat

2009-05-04T20:54:00.001-04:00

Birthday treat, originally uploaded by laniee75.

My baby is 6 years old today. We spend a couple of hours at Target, got a tall strawberries & creme frappaccino for Noah, had a nice lunch of juice and soft pretzels, school (where he handed out "glowpops" and scraped his knee - but didn't cry at all because he was tough.), opened presents, cried for 1 hour because we said no to Burger King, ended up at Applebees where he got sang to and a little sundae, went to gamestop to pick out a new game, and now home in bed sleeping like a baby. I still can't believe he's 6. He will always be my baby.

Elisa Rainelle Hernandez

2009-04-30T16:49:00.001-04:00

Elisa Rainelle Hernandez, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Beautiful baby girl!
8lbs
20-1/2 inches
Daughter of John & Lori
Sister to Joe

She is beautiful. I got a little bit of the "baby fix" I've been needing. I can't wait to watch this little girl grow up.

Salesmen

2009-04-27T11:21:00.001-04:00

Salesmen, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Well, the garage sale wasn't so great. We did ok on Friday but Saturday it was windy and then it rained and stormed on and off all day so we closed up around 11:00 am. I may try again next Saturday.

The boys had fun selling lemonade. Noah would say "would you like some lemonade?" and then "It will be 25 cents!". Saturday they decided it was either 25cents OR $1.00. I don't know that they understand the concept of selling something for a fair price. They did make some money. A lot of it was earned just by sitting there looking cute I guess.

I lost about 1.6 lbs last week so I'm at a total of 18.5. I would like to lose 25 total by the time we leave for Disney but that's only 15-1/2 days away so I'm not sure I will do it. I can already see in my face that I've lose weight which makes me feel good. And Mike said my butt is narrower. I yelled at him for looking at my butt.

Nicole is having a problem with school again - well, she's having a problem being responsible and getting her work done. As a result her grades are down to a couple of C's and a D (and a few A's). I told her that as of now her trip to Disney is off but I'm really hoping she can get her grades back up and get to go. It honestly breaks my heart but the fact is I told her more than once that if she didn't turn in work and her grades went down she wouldn't be going. So it's not like I'm just pulling random severe punishments out of thin air. It just really bothers me that she is doing this again. And it bothers me that she puts me in this position of having to take something away from her that was important to me as well as to her. (although I guess it's not as important to her as I thought). We'll see what happens.

I don't know if you've checked on Stellan but it sounds as if he's doing great on his meds. The surgery didn't go as well as they had hoped and they weren't able to fix the problem with an ablation. But he is being controlled with meds for now and will hopefully be home soon with his whole family.

My friend Lori is scheduled to have her baby by C-section this Wednesday (because baby is breach) so I'll be getting my baby fix soon! I'm very excited to find out if she is going to have a boy or girl. I'm hoping for a girl but Lori would really like another boy. No matter what though I know they will love that baby and raise him/her to be a great little kid just like their son, Joe. If you would like to remember Lori & John in your prayers Wednesday around noon I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

I'm sure there's more for me to say but I can't think of anything and it's time for Noah to go to school :)

Please pray

2009-04-21T07:37:00.002-04:00

Stellan is heading into surgery any minute now (it's 7:37 am on Tuesday). Please pray that the procedures go well and that there are no complications and no damage to his tiny little heart. To learn more about what is being done go over to McKmama's blog (through the button on the right sidebar). She does a great job of explaining it.

In other news - there really isn't any. I'm trying to get ready for the garage sale this weekend but the weather is making me want to sleep. And things from my house are mysteriously disappearing into thin air. I can't find the salad spinner bowl, the soccer shoes or the back of the firetruck. I suppose that means I'm not selling them.

Noah's first Soccer game

2009-04-18T18:50:00.001-04:00

Noah's first Soccer game
Originally uploaded by laniee75

Stellan goes to Boston

2009-04-16T14:43:00.002-04:00

Please stop over at Mckmama's blog (there's a button on my sidebar) to see how little Stellan is doing. He was just flown to Boston to be treated and to be seen by a specialist who has some experience with hard to treat SVT in infants. Please pray that they can find some answers and if surgery is necessary that it works and Stellan is able to come home soon. Little Stellan and his family have been weathering this storm for over a month now. They need prayers.

Spring Break

2009-04-11T09:44:00.001-04:00

World's best dentist, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Well, it's Saturday. The day before Easter. Only 2 more days until school starts again! YAY!!!
We had a pretty uneventful week other than Tuesday's visit to Dr. Dame. Dr. Dame is our dentist (he's been my dentist since about 1992) and now Nicole's Orthodontist. That's right...we have braces! Well, SHE has braces. We met my mom for lunch and she took my boys away for a few days and Nicole and I headed over for the big event. About 1-1/2 hours later she emerged sporting her brand new $4250 mouth of metal. She was pretty excited I think. The way a 14 year old gets excited about having something new to show her friends. I was excited that she was given a Sonicare toothbrush for FREE. (well, I'm sure it was part of the $4250). Last I heard she was in pain but refusing to take anything and could only eat if she swallowed things whole. She comes home from her grandma/dad's tomorrow so I'm hoping I can talk her into taking some motrin or something. I remember too well the pain of new braces. Yuck.

Oh yes, my mom. I love her so much. She was talking to me Monday and I think she could hear in my voice that my kids were driving me insane with their arguing and fighting. So she offered to take the boys from Tuesday until Thursday. And this was in spite of the fact that she already had my brother's two older boys. I don't know how she did it but she did. Ted was there as well so maybe that helped a bit but my mom is pretty amazing and as she says, "Stubborn", which I'm sure came in very handy with Noah. It's important to be more stubborn than him or you won't win.

So, here's a little question/answer thing I found about moms. I stole it.
But first let me quickly mention that I did NOT lose any weight this week and I am blaming Karen, Mike and the kids. It has nothing to do with the fact that I chose to eat movie popcorn twice, Applebees, and chocolate chip cookies and brownies. Nope...it was all FORCED on me.

Ok...on to the questions.

1. What is something your mom always says?
"Hi, honey" pretty much everytime I talk to her or see her. :)

2. What makes your mom happy?
Hmmmm. I think lots of things make my mom happy. But I know she's VERY happy when she's with her dogs on the trail.

3. What makes your mom sad?
When she sees her kids hurting or struggling.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Just by being herself. We both have the same sense of humor so we can laugh about pretty much anything together. .

5. What was your mom like as a child?
I think she was very active, loved the outdoors, did some naughty things. And she loved her animals. I think she was probably pretty quiet when she was in school, too.

6. How old is your mom?
About the same as me.

7. How tall is your mom?
I'm not real sure. Maybe 5'6"?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Her absolute favorite would probably be running her dogs. But she also loves to read.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
She spends a lot of her day taking care of her dogs. And she cleans. and irons. cooks. reads, watches Who Wants to be a Millionaire. And she does things with her mom.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
She's already famous for her sweet mushing skills. And for the dogsleds she and Ted make..

11. What is your mom really good at?
I think she's good at everything. But she's the best at taking care of people and animals. My mom is the most selfless person I know..

12. What is your mom not really good at?
Hmmmm. Playing the piano?.

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Runs a kennel with 20+ dogs and runs a household and takes care of Ted. :)

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Chinese

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
I'm proud of my mom because she's been hurt plenty of times but she still genuinely loves and cares for others. That's something I have a hard time with so I know how hard it is.

16. What do you and your mom do together?
Eat, talk, shop, ride the quad with the dogs pulling it, laugh our butts off.

17. How are you and your mom the same?
Well, according to people who know both of us we are very similar. I'm told I talk like her, laugh like her, have her sense of humor. We like to read, we have similar taste in books & movies (other than the Phantom of the Opera & King Kong - ick)

18. How are you and your mom different?
My mom is much more nurturing. She keeps her house clean and people fed even when she doesn't feel like it. I'm lazy. She's always doing something.

19. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because if she didn't she wouldn't put up with me. :)

20. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Anywhere with trails & snow.

I miss the good things

2009-04-04T11:39:00.001-04:00

little curls of chocolate, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I'm on week 4 of Weight Watchers. At my 'weigh-in' yesterday I was another 2.6 pounds lighter. So the total lost in 3 weeks is right around 12.5 pounds. I think about 3 of that is from when I got my hair cut last Friday. I'd post a picture of my new hair but I haven't taken one.

I'm ok with this Weight Watchers stuff for the most part. It sure was an eye opener when I started and looked up the points of things I would eat a lot. No wonder I was 200 pounds! So I just have to limit my portions and really try to stay away from the things I love like giant icecream cones, chips & cheese & whopper Jr.s. I can have lots of nectarines though! And that's a good thing.

In addition to getting my hairs cut I colored my hair, too. It seems as if my grey hairs really wanted to escape from under my brown hairs so I dyed them brown so I wouldn't have to see them anymore. I really don't mind a few greys here and there but for some reason I have them all along the top on the center part and they seem to be shorter so they stick straight up. And I have a heck of a time pulling them out because my depth perception isn't what it used to be. So I have shorter hair and it's brown all over. Just look at one of my old pictures and put your fhumbs on the hair that is anywhere below my ears and you'll get the idea.

Spring break started yesterday. I'm not all that excited for it. It's supposed to snow 3-6 inches Sunday night into Monday. And the rest of the week is supposed to be pretty cold and snowy, too, I think. Nicole gets her braces on Tuesday (I WILL take pictures of that!) and I'm planning to have lunch with my mom on that day. I will sell Plasma Tuesday morning and Thursday afternoon. Otherwise we have no plans. Maybe we'll just get ready for the garage sale I have to have in a few weeks.

Disney is about 35-ish days away. I'm starting to get nervous. I don't have enough money yet and I'm feeling a bit stressed about it. It is payed for on the credit card but I really want to have it payed off shortly after we return. I was sick all last week so I didn't sell plasma 3 times. And I had to use a little of the money for stuff to make tie dyed shirts for us. HAD TO. I'm counting on making some money at the garage sale but I'm not sure how much. I'll be happy if I get over $300. I'll be ecstatic if I get $500. :) That would pay for all of our meals and souveniers (yes, I HAVE to have souveniers!)

Oh...the photo of Stitch on my previous post won 2nd place in the weekly contest at I heart Faces. Yay Stitch! I know he's a good looking dog. :)

I heart Faces: Pets

2009-03-30T19:39:00.001-04:00

Stitch B&W, originally uploaded by laniee75.

My Stitch-a-roo.

http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/

2009-03-27T11:31:00.002-04:00

We're all sick over here. Mike's home for the 2nd day (which is rare for him) and my throat feels like hamburger and my chest hurts when I cough. Ben had a fever and was up all night coughing and having Diahreah. Noah has a cough but he's going to school.

Last night at around 1:30 I heard someone go to the bathroom. About 15 minutes later the door opened and I heard Ben go into his room and say "I'm sorry it took me so long Noah. I have diahreah." I thought it was funny. In a sad way of course.

I had my 2nd Weight Watchers weigh in this morning and I lost another 4 pounds so I've lost a total of 10 in 2 weeks. I'd love to keep it up at this rate but I'm pretty sure it won't happen. Unfortunately I'm losing another food point this week, too. Nuts.

If you have a chance, please pray for Stellan. He's still in the hospital and so far hasn't been able to go back into a normal heart rate. His mom is stressed and weary and could use your prayers as well (so could his siblings and dad I'm sure - it must be hard not being together). If you'd like to read his mom's blog go over to the "Pray for Stellan" button and click on it. It's over there -------->

Please pray for Stellan

2009-03-25T07:32:00.003-04:00

If you look on my Right sidebar you'll see a new button for Stellan. Please pray for him. He's beat impossible (well, HUMANLY impossible) odds just to be born and now he is struggling with a very fast heartbeat. This was totally unexpected and he and his family need prayers. If you click on the button it will take you to his mom's blog and you can read his entire story. It really is amazing and she is someone I look up to. Her faith is strong and it's real.

I Heart Faces: No Flash

2009-03-23T13:48:00.002-04:00

The Thinker, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I rarely use a flash anyway so I had a hard time picking which photo to enter this week. I love the lighting on Noah's face in this one. And I LOVE his eyelashes.

Click here to see a listing of other entries. Or click on the button above to go to the I heart Faces main page.

Spring time is here!

2009-03-21T13:38:00.001-04:00

Crocus, originally uploaded by laniee75.

It doesn't necessarily feel like it but it is Spring! I'm very eager for the warmer weather. No more winter coats, snowpants, boots, gloves, hats, scarves laying around. No more defrosting the car in the mornings. No more sweatshirts. Open windows. Sunshine. Flowers! I love warm weather. Not hot, just warm. 65 - 70 degrees with little humidity is perfect.

I feel so much more optimistic the past few days. Mike and I talked and we've agreed that some things need to change...we both need to make a commitment to improve our marriage. I'm excited and I feel as if we can make things much better in our home. Tonite we are going out together while Nicole babysits the boys (and gets paid).

I've got a week until I have to pay for Disney. Then I will start packing and going through clothes to make sure we have what we need.
I'm very excited to get away and have some fun with my girls.

Weight Watchers is going well. I just started week 2 yesterday and I lost 6 pounds the week before. I am hoping to lose about 20 before we leave for Disney but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. My final goal is to lose 60 pounds. That would put me at just a little more than I was when Mike and I got married. It's going to be hard but I think I can do it and I'm hoping that as the weight comes off it will be easier to get myself moving. I took Noah for a walk around the block early last week in his wagon and my legs finally feel ok today. I guess I overdid it. He's not a little 20 pounder anymore. :)
I'd like to start taking walks every day with Nicole and at least one of the dogs. She needs to work on building up her stamina as well...especially since a person can walk up to 10 miles a day at Disney World. :)

When I went to my Plasma donation appointment the other day I realized my protein levels have been decreasing steadily since I started. The lady told me I should try to eat more protein a couple of hours before I go in for donation so I have to make a conscious effort to do that. If it goes below 6.0 I can't donate. And that would stink because I'm counting on that money for May. Right now I'm at 6.6 and she said next time it will probably be 6.4. I guess it must be normal to lose protein when you give up your plasma.

Well, I think I may head out for a walk or maybe even take some photos. My tulips are starting to poke up! It won't be long until we are into full-blown spring. :)

I Heart Faces: Green

2009-03-16T16:25:00.001-04:00

Ben, originally uploaded by laniee75.

My Entry for the theme: Green

http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/

little drifts

2009-03-14T09:06:00.001-04:00

little drifts, originally uploaded by laniee75.

It was a COLD day when I took that photo. Nicole, Trudy & I went out to Lake Michigan (I think it was New Years Eve day) and it was very windy and very very cold. But it was pretty. And that's what matters. But if you look at that picture it looks so warm. If I didn't tell you it was taken in the winter you wouldn't have known that.

I feel as if I'm deceiving everyone - like this picture. I think people see me differently than I really am. I'm more like Winter than Summer, but people seem to think I'm much better than I really am.

Karen and I started Weight Watchers yesterday (well - I started yesterday). I think it's going to be hard but I am hoping it works. I just have to stick with it and really watch what I'm eating. I'm a big fan of eating so that will be the hard part.

I'm leaving in 60 days for Florida. I can't tell you how tempted I am to stay there and just not come back. ALthough I suppose by then it should be warmer here. And it will be pretty close to Summer vacation for the kids. Maybe I should go in September instead.

Well, I'm off to see my mom & Ted now. Ben is coming with me, Nicole is at her grandma/dad's and Noah has a birthday party for his friend so he's staying home with Mike. I'm sure I'll regret my decision to bring Ben since he's already whining.

I heart faces: Creative Crop

2009-03-09T08:30:00.001-04:00

Show me your big eyes!, originally uploaded by laniee75.

http://www.iheartfaces.blogspot.com/

My mom

2009-03-07T12:32:00.005-05:00

My mom, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Here's a little video shot by Howard Meyerson from the Grand Rapids Press at the Mid-distance race last weekend (the Sweetwater Challenge) and a link to the article he wrote. My mom is the one they call Ann Nelson :) She's amazing and I am always so excited to see her doing what she loves (and talking about it, too). She's quite famous you know.

http://www.mlive.com/outdoors/index.ssf/2009/03/mushers_go_the_distance_on_swe.html

Sweetwater Challenge in Baldwin

And here is a link to my mom's new blog. She'd love to have visitors!
http://thunderfeetseppalas.blogspot.com/

Pride

2009-03-06T08:41:00.001-05:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I am so proud of my kids. Every time I go to conferences I'm reminded of how great they really are. Noah has a little problem of sitting still and keeping his hands to himself but otherwise he is very sweet and is progressing nicely with his learning. Ben - well, he's just very smart. He's at the top of his class in reading & math and his main problem is hurrying through his work so that he can color or draw. His teacher says he's always polite and respectful of others and never causes any problems (his class is evidently awful this year - they are practically banned from art class). I'm very proud of those boys...we've been very blessed with them.

Nicole is the one who has had some problems in school over the years. She is very intelligent and could have A's all of the time but she seems to go through periods in school where she just doesn't want to do the work and that's when her grades go down. I had her conference last night and came away in tears. Not tears of sadness though. I am so danged proud of her. We had a rough start to this quarter but she has really buckled down and she's on her way to having all A's again. Her teachers love her. Especially her language arts teacher. She pulled out a certificate for an award Nicole won for creative writing. She got a Writing Distinction award for an essay the 8th graders wrote. Evidently they had no warning and just had to write. They sent the essays to Australia to be "graded" and she was in the top 10%. She has always had a great imagination. I'm not suprised that she's a good writer.

I also talked to her teacher about high school next year. She agreed that "sweet little innocent innocent innocent sugar baby" Nicole would be eaten alive at the public highschools in our area. And then she gave me a book that tells about each highschool in our area including the discipline problems from the previous year and the graduation rates & state testing results. All of the public schools in our area have a problem with drugs & gang activity and most of them are below the state averages on testing. WHY would I want that for my daughter??? I applied for a new charter high school that's about 10 miles away. It's a new school (there will only be 9th & 10th grade next year) and they are very serious about education. The kids have to pass 2 AP courses before they graduate, complete 60 hours of community service, be accepted into a 4 year university and wear uniforms. It's going to be a lot of work for her but I know she can do it and I think she deserves it. The thought of having her at a different school terrifies me. I wish we could afford a Christian high school but it's just not possible. So this is the next best thing. They only accept 150 or so incoming 9th graders and if they have over that many applying they hold a lottery. Well, the cutoff for open enrollment was last Friday so I called this morning to see if they knew the results of the lottery yet and right away she told me Nicole is in! I was crying in the car (I was parked in the driveway) because I'm so relieved. This has been a huge concern for me for the past year because I just didn't know what I'd do if she didn't get in there. I'm very happy for Nicole. I expect great things from her and I think with the right opportunities she will come through.

Today is a 1/2 day for the kids and then we're going to have lunch with my mom at the Corner Bar in Rockford (yum!). I'll tell Nicole then. I don't know that she'll be real excited but I did show her the statistics on the other schools last night and asked her if she could see why I wanted something different for her. I think she understood. She's going to miss her friends though. Hopefully the delicious hotdogs & rootbeer will take the sting out of it. :)

TURMOIL

2009-03-05T10:09:00.001-05:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

tur⋅moil /ˈtɜrmɔɪl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [tur-moil] Show IPA
–noun 1. a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance; tumult; agitation; disquiet: mental turmoil caused by difficult decisions.

I feel extremely agitated and confused this week. I can't exactly put my finger on WHAT is bothering me so much. There are a lot of things I'm not happy about, but, overall, looking at my life, I SHOULD be happy. This isn't a new thing for me. I feel this way quite often. But this time it just seems a lot harder to put straight.

If I could get things worked out I COULD have everything I've ever wanted in life. I don't know what's stopping me. And it's so frustrating. There is a lot of negativity in my mind. There's a lot of running-away.

Look at my baby in the picture. He loves me. All of my kids love me. Despite the fact that I yell too much and say mean things sometimes, they love me. I need to be better for them.

I found a couple more!

2009-03-04T12:28:00.010-05:00

My mom & dad got me this when I was about 3 years old. My brothers had either the Stretch Armstrong or the Stretch Monster and I had Olivia. I think I drove my mom crazy with it because the octopus had a small hole and the inside stuff would ooze out and I would eat it. All I remember is that it was pink and it was delicious...like corn syrup. I remember my mom telling me not to eat it because it was silicone but I couldn't stop. I'd hide in my closet (where I frequently hid - especially from the hallucinated inchworms) and eat it. I should do a search but I'm pretty sure the filling was corn syrup or something non-toxic. *****Do not read this part if you are easily bored************************************
from: http://www.stretcharmstrongworld.com/whats_new_1.html
An agueous sugar solution (corn syrup) was chosen as the filling compund for the figure.The following composition of cornsyrup solids were designed not to dissolve,decay or destroy the latex skin.The filling was comprised of 9% dextrose,10% meltose,12% meltriose and 69% higher sacchrides.Other compounds of white limestone, Glass with a particle size of 50 microns, gum resin, wood, flour, pine pitch mixture, limestone and talc were also added in amounts that helped increase the weight and volume which in turn also helped to reduce cost.The syrup solution was then heated in an evaporator to reduce the moisture content and increase the solid content up to 87.5% to 93%.leaving an average of only 10% moisture in the solution.I believe the accuracy of eliminating the mositure from the fluid has much relavence to how many years a strtech figure remains soft. The more moisture drawn the less time it will stay soft.The Syrup has a range viscosity of 48 to 49 degrees baume and a fluid viscosity of 5x10/3rd cenipoises at 70 degrees F. .This awsome recipe Kenner devised became the life blood of the Stretch Armstrong figure..
***********************************************************************************

This is Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow. I got it on my birthday (I think my 4th or 5th) from my grandparents. She came with little white tablets that you put in her udder and then you cranked her tail to make her drink the water. Then when she was nice and full you could milk her! I wish I still had Milky. She was fun.
While I was looking for a picture of Milky I came across this and I was way more excited than a normal person. THIS was my kitchen set. It's a Kusan Zoodleland and I had all three of them. (I'm starting to realize just how spoiled I was). I absolutely ADORED these toys. The penguin refrigerator was my favorite though. When my brothers and I played restaurant this is what we used. We'd make hotdogs out of Bigred chewing gum and put all of our "food" in the little penguin refrigerator. I was so excited to find this picture because I had been looking for these for a long time and never really realized they had been a namebrand toy. The Hippo Sink is on Ebay for $129.00...yeah - no kidding.

This is just too much fun. I think the reason I am so hesitant to throw away or give away my kids toys (or anything for that matter) is because I miss the things I had growing up. I really wish I still had these things so my kids could experience them...toys back then were so much better than now. I suppose if I ever come into an extra hundred thousand dollars I could get it all off of Ebay again but then I'd need a bigger house! :)

Old toys I wish I still had

2009-03-04T10:04:00.014-05:00

I actually do still have this one. I got it on Ebay years ago. I keep thinking I should get it out for Noah but I don't want it scratched up. That's just silly. Maybe he'll get it for his birthday this year. maybe. My Puppy Puddles...I have so many good memories about him. We used to go for walks around the culdesac. He was a real dog in my mind. He even drinks water when you squeeze his collar and then he pees on his special little tray. Those people at Romper Room were geniuses!

**Update** Noah saw this picture and told me he really really wants one of these because he's "never had a dog with a leash that pees!". I told him it would be really hard to get one now because they don't make them anymore and I had this when I was 5 and that was a LONG time ago. He then asked me if I could "create" one for him. Ha. I guess I know what he should get for his birthday now.

Playskool & Fisher Price Little People sets! Oh I love these - I still do. I have found a couple at garage sales so my kids also got have fun with them. These three were my favorites. I think we had most of the sets which suprises me because we didn't have a lot of money. The Sesame Street one was at Aunt Doris & Uncle Bob's I think because I remember always playing with the Oscar the Grouch in the trash can when I was there. I LOVED that thing. Probably because we have the same personalities. ha.

Great record. My parents were in a record club and I got to pick one. This was it.

I spent many years listening to John Denver, ABBA & Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron on this little record player.

I loved playing with these little squirrels in their log home. Woodsey toy by Fisher Price

Baby Beth by Fisher Price. One of the best dolls I ever had. One of her little pink knit booties ended up in the vacuum cleaner and my little sister played with her until one of her legs fell off so she had a duct-tape diaper. I'm sure she's gone now.

Messy

2009-03-03T08:56:00.003-05:00

No Mom...I didn't get into the powdered donuts, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Week 8: Messy Faces Go here: http://iheartfaces.blogspot.com to see other entries :)

fluffy butts

2009-03-02T23:28:00.001-05:00

fluffy butts, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Ok..so I had to go back and find a photo for this post and this was all I could come up with.

I just wanted to stop in quick and give an update on Nicole. I just checked her grades and she has a 'B' in Math, an 'A' in science, an 'A' in art, a 'B-' in Language arts (!!! - that was one of her D+ the other day) and a D+ in social studies (which I have confidence she will get up to at least a C . Plus her teacher quit and they just got a new teacher so hopefully that will mean more homework so that she has a chance to get that grade up). I'm very proud of her although I wish it didn't have to happen the way it did. I'm pretty sure she'll be going to Disney.

Also, I want to ask the few readers out there for prayers for a little girl at my church. She's been sick for a while and just isn't getting better and they are trying to figure it all out. If she's not improving by this Thursday she will be admitted to the Children's Hospital. Her mom & dad and little sisters (her whole family actually) need prayers. Pray that she gets better and they can figure out what's going on. I am overwhelmed by all of the sick kids...I will never understand why it has to happen to them when there are so many people in this world that "deserve" it. (That sounds awful but, honestly, I'd rather have myself sick than see a little kid suffer through it). Anyway, please pray for Alayna and her family.

Ready for Battle

2009-02-28T19:00:00.001-05:00

Ready for Battle, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I am in a foul mood this week. I've been praying for patience but I suppose I have to actually TRY in order for it to work. I am not even close to being Mother of the Year. Or Wife of the Year. I sometimes find myself wishing I could just leave them all. I love my kids - I REALLY love my kids. But sometimes I just feel like I'm doing more damage than good in their lives and then I get more frustrated and hate myself and want it just to stop. Lucky for me they love me no matter how I act. I just wish I felt more deserving of it.

We got our new couch today (new USED couch). I love it. It's a sleeper sofa so we'll have a place for the kids if they ever have friends over (something I really need to work on - poor kids are stuck with their family every night and weekend). I almost have my living room cleaned and next is the kitchen. I'm hoping to have things painted in the next few weeks but I'm still not decided on colors. I have a good idea of what I want but I want to be sure. And I'm really hoping that once I get rid of things (or actually, put them aside for the garage sale I'm planning for April) I will feel more relaxed. I think a lot of my stress comes from just feeling overwhelmed and most of that seems to come from our home and the messes I see everywhere. I just don't know where to start and noone wants to help. I know, I know - I don't work all day, I'm home and have plenty of time to do everything that needs to be done. I know that in my head but my body doesn't want to cooperate. I'm just so tired all of the time.

Disney is about 75 days away (I lost count) and I'm slowly but steadily plugging away at saving for it. All of my "blood money" (from selling plasma) and any child support I get is going toward it. Plus I will have some money from the garage sale although that is really hard to estimate. I'm very excited to go and Nicole is doing so much better in school so I think she will be going as well. She still has D+'s in two classes but I think she'll get them up to at least a 'C' (and since she is getting A's on all of her work I will probably accept that). I think it will be really nice to have this trip with my daughter and my little sister. We all need the time away from the boys. :)

Nail biter

2009-02-22T18:05:00.002-05:00

Nail biter, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I can't say that I have a lot to blog about today but I'll try anyway.
We had Thursday & Friday off of school so Thursday we hung around the house all day and Friday we headed down to my dad & Karen's to see Kimmy (and the rest of them, too). We had to leave early Saturday morning to beat the snowstorm and then I did nothing until 4:30 when I left to go see Becki. I was TIRED because the night before my brother & his friends were so flippin' loud. I couldn't believe they were getting away with it. They're 16-17 years old and they were up at 2am making food and talking (loudly) in the kitchen. I was down the hall a ways with 2 doors closed between us and I could hear everything. And Karen said she never even heard them. I know when I was 16 years old that never would have happened. But like she says, she's relaxed a bit since then.
It was nice to see Becki (and Vince - her husband, And Ryan - her 2 year old) . I wish it were warmer so we could hang out more because there just isn't much to do when you don't like the cold. But soon it will be Spring (right? please?)

My best-friend and I are no longer speaking evidently. She made me leave her house Monday and I hate to admit it but I was relieved. Things have been bad for almost a year and I don't even know her anymore. In my opinion she is mentally ill and needs some very extensive help. Unfortunately she doesn't see things the way everyone else does (to the point that she "sees" things in everything - paintings, photos, words in books- and thinks it's a problem with us.) It makes me feel horrible but for the health of myself and my family I have to step back for a while. I can't stand the stress and honestly, she's NOT the person I know and consider my best friend anymore. I'd be there in a second if she needed me but I can't put myself back in that friendship the way it is now. If anyone has some advice on how to handle this I would appreciate it. I don't want to hurt her at all but I can't sit back and listen to her badmouthing people who love her anymore either.

Back to some happier stuff - We took the kids bowling today. The sun ended up coming out and the kids wanted to go bowling (Noah went for the first time last weekend for a birthday party and LOVED it). So we bowled one game and Nicole and I won (86 - wooohooo!) followed by Ben (84), Mike (79-ish), Noah (69). I have to admit that was WITH bumpers. Yeah...we are anything but professional. Noah needs to work on his form (I think we all do). One time he rolled the ball and it stopped about mid-lane. But he still did pretty well considering it was his 2nd time. I took a lot of photos but most of them didn't come out well in the low lighting - grainy - yuck!

Now it's 6:00 and I'm not making dinner because we had Lunch/Dinner at 3:00 at Old Country Buffet - that place is rediculously expensive for what they have. We paid $12.50 for Nicole, Mike & I and the boys were about $4.00 each. Nicole ate a plate of mac n cheese and some fries ($12.50!!!!) But I think Ben made up for it because he really packed it in. Maybe he's going through a growth spurt.

Speaking of Ben - his legs had a miraculous recovery and he's pain free. I had his teacher spy on him at school and it seems his limping was only for at home. So I didn't take him for blood tests and he's been fine.

Tomorrow the kids are ALL having their teeth cleaned and Nicole is getting her orthodontist quote stuff done. I didn't care for the orthodontist I took her to over here by us...he seemed cold and I prefer someone who's going to treat my daughter like a person and not a $5000 bill. So our regular dentist is going to be doing the work (as long as the price is reasonable). She's not too happy about the impression she's going to have to have done though. Oh the poor girl...I remember those too well. gag blech I wonder if they still come in Pina Colada flavor.

The Thinker

2009-02-13T13:45:00.001-05:00

The Thinker, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I'm trying to figure out bills. We got our tax refund this week and I would love to say we're caught up on everything but we're not. But we're a lot closer to being caught up than we were a week ago :)

Valentine's day is tomorrow. Woohoo...I really don't care. It's never been very important to me. But the kids (the boys actually) have their parties today and they are excited. And Noah has been eating the pink cupcakes we made (it seems as if every time I turn around he's got one). Otherwise it's just another day - except for that we are getting AT&T instead of Comcast (no more home phone!). I'm excited about that because we'll be spending less and getting the channels I actually like (National Geographic & Discovery Health!). The downside is that we are going to have a stranger in our home for 2-4 hours installing it and crawling around under the desk with the dust bunnies. I suppose I should clean those up.

Disney is only 88 days away. I'm really hoping that Nicole can get her grades up. She's trying hard now so I hope it's not too late. I have to pay the balance March 22 so she has until then. But in the meantime I'm planning my little heart out. I made my grocery list and I will order those this weekend (yes - a little early but I want to choose my delivery time). I have directions to the airport and kindof know where to go (we have to drive 3 hours to Detroit - I have never driven to Detroit before). I have park hours figured out and a schedule of what parks to go on what days. I'm excited. I think I will start packing soon! :)

I took Ben to the doctor this week because his legs have been hurting him. Dr. A checked him out and said "I don't know what's causing it." and left it up to me on whether or not to do blood tests. He said he didn't see anything that really concerns him. So I'm waiting to see if it gets better on it's own. Half of the time I think he's faking it (or at least exaggerating). But then when I add in the fact that he's so tired all of the time I worry again. So we'll see how the weekend goes and maybe he'll go Monday to have his blood drawn (and that will be a treat). This morning he woke up with a fever again and was coughing and stuffed up - hopefully it's just a cold or the flu and he's having normal aches.

Cora

2009-02-08T09:48:00.001-05:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/

I mentioned sweet little Cora in a recent post. She's 11 months old and was being treated for Neuroblastoma. I was checking my "regular" blog stops this morning and was heartbroken to see Cora passed away early this morning. Please pray for her parents. Just one month shy of her first birthday and already in heaven. I can't even begin to imagine what that's like.

I'm home from church this morning because Ben has a fever (again) and I thought it was Mike's turn to go without us. Nicole has a snotball attitude this morning already.

Speaking of Nicole, I think the school thing is going to be ok as long as I keep on top of her and check her homework every night. The only problem is that I can't make her do well on quizzes & tests. Hopefully she'll do that on her own. She's grounded until March for lying (no friends & no phone) and her grandma (her dad's mom) and I decided it would be best if she weren't allowed to visit until she was back on the right track at school (neither of us really wanted to do it but we need her to know that she is expected to do her best and we are going to be together on these decisions). You may be wondering why her dad has no say in it - well, maybe you aren't - you may know the situation if you know me. He's not involved with anything like this - her grandma is actually more like her other parent than her dad is most of the time. Unfortunately that's the way it has always been and instead of fighting it I am just grateful she has her grandma. She sees her dad when she goes to her grandma's because he lives there but he is not actually a "Father figure" in the traditional sense. It makes me sad but I hope someday she will realize how much Mike does for her and cares about her. Right now it's not "cool" for her to even acknowledge Mike (I've been there - I know exactly what it's like). So far she has a 56% in her Language Arts class - that's because out of the 65 available points on theh project she didnt' do she got 10 points (and that was generous on the teacher's part - I made her do the project and turn it in even though it was late and wouldn't count anymore). But she's been turning in her work so hopefully she can get that grade up. Maybe I'll have to go sit in her classes with her. Don't think I wouldn't .

2009-02-02T16:52:00.003-05:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

** UPDATE ** I spoke to Nicole's teacher and it's so much worse than I thought. It turns out she's been LYING to me. Over the past month her class has been working on a project and it has been done in stages and she has not done ONE SINGLE PART of it. NOTHING. And she tells the teacher she didn't have time! So not only is she lying to me, she's lying to the teacher. I sat her down and told her that she is NOT going to Disney. I asked her WHY she thinks it's ok to lie to me, why she didn't do her work, what she needs from me. Her answer "I don't know". Now if this were a normal thing where it's happened for the past 9 years of school I wouldn't be so frustrated. Nicole is an A & B student. She has to work at it but she is more than capable of getting good grades. And I wouldnt' care if she got C's if she was actually trying and doing the work but she isn't doing it. She just didn't do it.

So...I called Karen. I cried. I am so frustrated. I don't know how to help my girl. I don't know where to begin. Karen talked to me and I decided that since the original plan was to wait until the end of the quarter and see what her grades are I'm going to do that. But I'm not telling her. I don't even want her to know it's a possibility. She has to work her butt off to pull it off anyway and I don't know that I have much faith in her at this point. I am going to be on her the entire time...she will do her homework with me watching and I will be communicating with her teachers even more than I already do. The lying will have to stop...that I can NOT tolerate at all. So I need to figure out a way to stop that, too because it's always been a habit of hers.

Please pray for me to have wisdom and for my daughter - I don't know what's going on in her head but something is wrong and we need to figure it out.

--------------------------------------Original post----------------------------------------------

Sometimes I think parenting is too hard. I know it's not supposed to be easy...I know we're raising the next generation and trying to get them to be good responsible people. But my GOSH...if I could have a little cooperation it sure would be a lot easier.

Nicole likes to tell me (often) that I need to follow through with punishments. Of course she is talking about her brothers. And she is absolutely correct. I have a problem with that. I don't know what to do about the situation with Nicole today. I know what I SHOULD do but it absolutely breaks my heart to even consider it. PLEASE help me figure this out. I don't want to do the wrong thing.

Nicole failed her comptuer class last quarter. I told her about Disney and I told her that if she gets anything under a B- on her next report card she would not be going. But then I also told her that if I thought she was trying hard and doing her best and got a C+ or a C I would consider it. I told her that I expected her to get all of her work done and turned in on time. Well, last week she missed a very small assignment (she had to bring in a news article with math in it) and I was disappointed but didn't do anything other than remind her that she HAS To get her work done or she would not be going. Today I looked at her grades and she got a 0/25 on an assignment - she says because she didn't type it and thought the teacher told her neat handwriting would be accepted. So now I'm kindof torn. Do I follow through with what I said or do I give her until the end of the quarter and see what her grades are? I emailed the teacher to see why she wouldn't give her partial credit for turning it in late (which is normal) but I haven't heard back. I'm just sick thinking I'm going to have to cancel Nicole's trip. But then I think "WHAT THE HECK IS SHE THINKING???" Is she testing me? I asked her "You know you said I need to follow through on things - does that apply to you as well?" and she said yes. I just don't know what to do.

Oh...and about the last post. I KNOW that God has a plan and I need to trust him and that he doesn't DO bad things. But I also know that if I were ever put in the position of losing a child I wouldn't hesitate to be angry at God. That's me and that's the relationship we have. He loves me anyway and I love him because he listens and understands that I'm human. :)

chilled to the bone

2009-01-31T13:09:00.001-05:00

chilled to the bone, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I can't remember if I posted this here on the blog or not yet. It's from back in December when I went to Holland State Park with Trudy & Nicole to take pictures. It was FREEZING. And we had just had a lot of rain right before this so the snow was pretty much gone. Not real pretty.

For some reason I seem to be drawn to other people's blogs when they are suffering. It's not that I enjoy their suffering...it's not that at all. It's more like I get sucked in and can't leave and it just makes me so SAD to see what people are going through. One such blog is this one - http://half12.blogspot.com/ I started reading that blog about 3 days ago and just this morning I opened up to see their sweet little girl, Tuesday, passed away last night. And it makes no sense to me. I read about these people and their sick babies and these are kids who are LOVED so much. They have real lives and are real little people with brothers & sisters (Tuesday has a twin and two older brothers) and they giggle and play and have favorite stuffed animals & blankets and WANT TO LIVE and they don't get to. And everyone prays for a miracle because we KNOW it can happen. But then the miracle we want doesn't happen and it just makes me angry. I hate to see anyone suffer but when it's a child it makes me hurt and question things I don't want to question. But I know it's ok to question God. I didn't used to think so but I know He wants that from us. So my questions to God right now are these; WHY do you let kids hurt? WHY would you do that if you don't have to? Why don't you answer our prayers for a miracle with one child but you do with another? WHY can't we know your plans NOW so that it does make more sense? At the same time I'm terrified that by asking these questions I'm going to be tested myself. Maybe that's part of being raised Catholic? Maybe it's just me. I'm always afraid that saying things like "I could never handle losing a child/parent/best friend/husband" will bring down God's wrath on me. Like he would put me through the very thing I fear most just to show me I can handle it. I've always known that if I lost one of my kids I would want to die with them but I wouldnt' because I have 2 others to be here for. If I ever lost all 3 I would die. I know 100% that I would not want to live here anymore and I'd do everything possible to leave this hell. I read those blogs and most of these families have a very strong faith and end up having a stronger faith after the loss. I would hope I'd be like that but I just don't know. Right now I'm just praying for Tuesday's family because I know they need it and I don't know them enough to offer anything else. And I'm praying for Janine who lost her husband about 13 months ago and is now facing the possibility of cancer. ( http://txmomx6.blogspot.com/ ) And I'm praying for sweet little Abby who has cancer ( http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/ ) and 10 month old Cora who is going through Chemo for Neuroblastoma ( ttp://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/ ) and this sweet family who just lost their home in a devastating fire ( http://www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ ) and baby Kayleigh who was born 3 months early weighing 1 lb 1 oz and is fighting to live every day ( http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/ ). These are just a few of the millions of stories out there. They each have me in tears every day so I can only imagine what it's like to LIVE these stories.

sickies

2009-01-28T10:16:00.001-05:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Noah started out with a sore throat and cough...now he's got the runny nose and red eyes. And he was very generous and shared some of it with me because my tonsils are swollen and very sore. I think it's from the slobbery kiss I gave him from Grandma Ann. Next time I'll try to make sure he keeps his slobber away from me.

It's been a rough week - partly because of the illness and partly because I'm just not that great of a parent. Ben came home from his Cubscout Pack meeting in tears last night. Mike had taken him because I was sick and they didn't even stay for the whole thing. I'm not real clear on what happened other than Ben got upset about a game they were playing (he doesn't like to play any kind of games at Cub Scouts - I'm not sure why) and they left. So I talked with Ben and told him that if he really wants to quit scouts he can even though I think he should stick it out for the next couple fo months. But the reality is that he is absolutely miserable when we go to the meetings and I don't think that benefits anyone. So he is no longer a cubscout. Next year he will start Cadets at church so hopefully that will go better.

Ben stated pretty clearly last night that he was going to be sick today so he could miss school. He was true to his word - at least according to him. I have a hard time getting him out of bed in the morning anyway but today he insisted he felt like he was going to puke (although I could tell he was making it up when he ate his breakfast and played with his brother like normal). It ended up being total drama in the car at school when he wouldn't get out because he said he was too sick. He finally got out and went in and I drove home but as soon as I got home I got a call from the office saying Ben was in the office saying he felt like puking. I basically told them to tell him that when he threw up for real I'd get him but otherwise he needs to just shut up and get to class. Not one of my finer moments. I am going to have a hard time with that one. He's very smart - he gets perfect grades in school and knows everything he needs to know academically but he just doesn't like school. I don't know if he's bored or what. I told Mike he really needs to start doing more with him. He's very much a mama's boy (of course he's been with me for 7-1/2 years doing things with ME) and I think he really needs to start getting more of that father/son stuff going. Ben will probably never enjoy anything athletic (at least not the team stuff) but there has to be SOMETHING he would like and we need to find it.

still busy

2009-01-26T07:26:00.001-05:00

bulletin board finished, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I've been working on a photo book for Tara (a friend of my mom & Ted and a member of their MUSH Club). For some reason the "normal" book where it's just photos on a black background didn't seem right so I decided I would do digital scrapbook pages for each one. Oh my goodness - that was a very time consuming decision. I do enjoy it for the most part so it's not like I'm not having fun but I am undecided on whether or not I like the final product.
This page is going to be a title page and I wanted to do something that looked like one of those bulletin boards and stick the info on little sheets of paper - well, I think it turned out how I wanted it to although I can't say I'm real happy with my color choices. But I do love those "papers" and the little photo of Tara's dog, Tequila. The little photo on the bottom is of Lost Lake which is behind Harry Bennett's Lodge. It was beautiful up there and I wish I had walked around and taken more scenic photos.

This week should have been busy but I decided to hole up in the house instead. I skipped boyscouts Monday and both Bible studies on Wednesday. I'll do better this week. I did donate plasma twice last week and made my $60 (which I ended up spending on groceries - yuck) and I also opened a savings account for our Disney trip in May. Oh yeah...the Disney trip...

Nicole was supposed to find out about the trip the day we left. I had it planned where I would tell her we need to drop Kimmy off in Detroit for a flight to Florida and then we'd get on the plane with her. I was doing so well. She likes to tell me often that she really wants to go to Disney and I've said things like "I know. Me, too. Hopefully we can go in the next few years." Well, unfortunately my impatience and frustration got the best of me. Nicole failed her computer class. And not because she can't do the work but because she DIDN'T do the work. So I was angry...and the fact that she wasn't really taking responsibility the way I thought she should was making me even more angry. There was yelling and crying (mostly her) and finally I said "I was GOING to take you to Disney this spring but I dont' think it's going to happen now." Then the crying really started (all of the kids because Noah wants to go and Ben cries because he just didn't want to feel left out). Later, Nicole and I talked. I apologized for yelling, told her I don't think she's stupid (because she likes to say that a lot) and I talked to her about Disney and told her that I really wanted it to be a nice suprise and not a threat. I also told her that the original plan was that she wouldn't go if her grades weren't good when it was time to go but that she never would have known about the trip (except when I came home with my mickey mouse ears on). The same conditions apply. SHe has to do better. She has always been an A & B student for the most part (obviously she needs to work at it - but that's expected) and I KNOW she can get A's & B's if she keeps up on her work and doesn't get lazy. SO - the cat is out of the bag and I feel awful about it. It really takes some of the fun out of it. I keep hoping she'll forget about the whole thing (yeah - right).

MUSH weekend

2009-01-20T09:31:00.001-05:00

Tequila, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I am home (well it's been a day and a half) from a COLD weekend up North. I went with my mom & Ted to watch/take pictures of the dogsledding. It was about 15degrees and snowy on Saturday and then Sunday the snow stopped, the beautiful blue skies appeared and it was STILL cold. I took about 800 photos so now I have a lot of editing to do. A friend of my mom & Ted wants a book made of her dogs and her races so I'm going to get that done this week (Hopefully).

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've posted anything. Not much is going on other than the usual day to day things. I donated plasma (actually, I SOLD it) for the first time last week and I'm going back today for my second time. I'm hoping to do it twice a week to help pay for our trip to Disney in May. It's actually not a fun process - it's long and boring and there are some very strange people in that place. My mom and I decided that we must attract the wierd ones. It's because we're too nice and talk to anyone. I had a guy tell me he was going out in the cold to do his paper route and I blurted out that I was going camping that weekend (I think I may have been trying to one-up him). That turned into a very awkward conversation involving his friend (Steve), october camping and groping of breasts (not mine). I think I learned my lesson and I'm going to keep my nose in my book from now on.

the demand

2009-01-06T18:55:00.001-05:00

the demand, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I honestly don't know what to do about my son. I can't figure him out. He is such a sweet boy, he's very smart, he behaves extremely well in school, he has good friends and he loves to laugh. But he is SO sensitive. This isn't anything new. He's always been sensitive to things (especially sounds - not so much the volume. It's more the content) and he doesn't like to try new things very often. Last night in Cub Scouts he REFUSED to play marbles or the Telephone games. He just dug in his heels and decided he wasn't going to do it. He says he just doesn't like games (although he'll play video games 24/7 and likes any other board games we play at home). He cries when I tell him he can't do something he wants (which is normal for a 3 year old - he's 7!) and he cries every time he gets the smallest bump or bruise. I've been told that he's only like this when I'm around. So what is it I'm doing? I admit I have always babied my kids in some ways but I don't think it's to the point that they would act differently. And Noah and Nicole don't act this way. I know it's who he is but it's so frustrating. Even though I get funny little notes when he's mad like the one pictured. That was from this afternoon when I wouldn't let him eat something he wanted. I told him to wait until dinner since he had already had a snack after school. He cried, screamed, stomped and finally wrote me this note.

Happy 2009

2009-01-02T11:42:00.001-05:00

Noah, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I'm not even going to bother going over 2008 because it wasn't that bad of a year from what I recall and I'd like to keep it that way.

My kids and I spent New Years Eve over at my dad & Karen's. I didn't mean to spend the whole night there but by the time we were done playing Mexican Train dominoes it was already 12:30 am so we just slept over. Mike stayed home and didn't realize we slept over until the next morning. I'm glad we weren't lying in a ditch somewhere because he would have been little help.

I'm back to Frappachinos from Starbucks. I went a WHOLE year without so much as a sip of anything Starbucky. So yesterday Noah and I went to Build-a-bear (where he made me a bunny - very cute) and then we stopped for a Venti Strawberries & Cream Frappachino. YUM...it was even better than I remembered. I think today I may go again. I do have some giftcards that HAVE to be used up.

Prayer request

2008-12-30T08:19:00.001-05:00

rays, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I don't know if you've ever seen my button over there ------> for McMama's blog but if you've never visited over there please do. She is the mom to 4 beautiful children. Her youngest is Stellan and he is a true miracle. He was diagnosed with heart failure while she was still pregnant and his prognosis was certain death. He was born completely healthy. But now he fighting a very nasty case of RSV and he's in the hospital. PLEASE PLEASE pray for this family, pray that baby Stellan is healed and that they continue to find peace in knowing God loves Stellan as much (or more) than they do. My heart is breaking for this family.

(the photo is from our little trip out to the beach yesterday - COLD)

An after-Christmas Meme (borrowed from Kris who borrowed it fromPatrick)

2008-12-28T20:12:00.002-05:00

let it snow, originally uploaded by laniee75.

1. How many members of your family not living with you did you see on Christmas Day? I saw my brother-in-law John at church but I didn't get to talk to him because I played Bells and we have to put them all away afterward and by the time we were done a lot of people were gone. I don't even know if Brenda was there.

2. When spending time with family, how long after you arrive do you begin to feel “antsy” about being there too long? Depends on the family and the way my kids are acting. Normally 5 hours or so is a good time limit.

3. Is your family more likely to have pleasant discussions or heated arguments during a big meal? Do you join in or quietly listen in? Again, depends on which family. My dad and I like to talk politics. And we never argue because we agree. My mom and stepdad and I CAN'T talk politics. I don't think we get very many heated discussions. Mostly it's pleasant. And I ALWAYS join in...even if it's not my conversation. I like to talk..

5. Consider the family member whose views are most opposite of your own: If your friends or co-workers met the person, what single topic would probably be the source of the most embarrassment for you if your friends heard that person talking? I don't know about embarrassment but Religion would probably be the main thing that we differ on.

6. Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? What one thing that you didn’t get would you like to have received?I can't think of anything I really wanted other than to see other people enjoy the gifts we gave. Everyone seemed to so I guess I got it.

And Kris got this one at Sara's:

THINGS TO DO BEFORE MY PARENTS ARRIVE:

CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN (for WEEKS)

7 THINGS I'VE BEEN DOING INSTEAD OF PREPARING FOR CHRISTMAS:

1. Facebook
2. Flickr
3. Watching Mamma Mia
4. Editing photos on PSE 7
5. DIgital scrapbook pages
6. Yelling at people that don't know how to drive
7. crying about everything

7 THINGS I DIDN'T DO THIS CHRISTMAS:

1. Send out Christmas Cards
2. Make a nice breakfast
3. Go to my AUnt & Uncle's for Christmas day
4. Get the kids too many toys
5. Decorate the tree with ornaments
6. Feel guilty about staying home on Christmas Day
7. Make Peanut Butter Fudge for my dad

7 CHRISTMAS WISHES:

1. World Peace
2. Warmth
3. Better economy for our state (and country)
4. for my kids to listen better
5. More patience for me
6. More patience for Mike
7. Getting thru Christmas without going in to debt

7 THINGS I SAID AS CHRISTMAS APPROACHED:

1. I wish Christmas wasn't so darned Commercialized
2. I want to punch that Santa in the nose
3. I wish I knew what to get Nicole.
4. I don't want to play Bells on Christmas morning
5. People should stop mailing us cards because I'm going to be off their lists anyway.
6. I sure wish I could still play the piano
7. Why do my kids always ask for things with a million little pieces.

7 FAMOUS PEOPLE I'D INVITE FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER:

1.Jesus
2. George W. Bush
3. John Denver - because I miss him
4. Beth Moore - she could lead a great Bible Study - and she's funny
5. Johnny Depp - why not?
6. Rachel Ray - she could make our dinner :)
7. Martin Luther - because I think he's fascinating

7 FAVORITE FESTIVE FOODS:

1. Buckeye Balls
2. Molasses Cookies
3. Ham
4. Green bean Casserole (ha!)
5. Liver Paste (pate')
6. Popcorn balls (I forgot to have one mom!)
7.Chex mix

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T22:19:00.001-05:00

Happy_Holidays_5x7, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas day.
We had a nice relaxed day. Presents, church, Chinese & Bolt. :) It was a very good day other than Nicole being gone. I'm very excited to pick her up in the morning on the way up to my mom & Ted's. I hope she's never gone on Christmas morning again (well, except when she's older and has her own family).
I'm still playing around with Photoshop and I made this little "card" with one of my favorite photos of Noah making a snow angel.

Cousins

2008-12-24T13:47:00.002-05:00

Cousins, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I'm messing around with my new Photoshop program. I got a free Digital Scrapbooking Tutorial so I thought I would try it out. I definitely like it better than "real" scrapbooking. The photo I used is from 1979. It's my brothers, myself & my cousins (the ones who were born by then - two more came later). I'm the goofy looking one with not much hair. My brothers are the boys on the top row.

Today is Christmas Eve and it really doesn't feel like it. I'm done with everything that needs to be done but it's raining outside (which will be a mess tomorrow morning when it refreezes). We had lunch with Mike (who had to work even though he had the day off) and now we're just hanging out at home like usual. I did make sure the boys' new PJ's got washed so they'd have them tonite. I just have to get them to bed tonite and do the Christmas Stockings and then wait for morning.

Every Christmas Eve I remember my good friend, Jeff. He died in 1990. 18 years ago. We were 15 years old. I found out on Christmas day and then the day after Christmas we left for Wisconsin for his funeral. That was the worst Christmas I ever had. I can't remember a thing about that day other than when my dad told me that Jeff had died. I'll never forget that feeling of unbelief and just plain old sorrow. Jeff was a good kid. He was so active and enjoyed life. I was a depressed 15 year old who was doing stupid self-destructive things. It just didn't seem right to me. It still doesn't.

The eve of Christmas Eve

2008-12-23T11:06:00.001-05:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Noah's been carrying Little Dog around. And when he isn't carrying him he's sitting on the ground slapping his legs and yelling "Little Dog!" until the dog comes to sit on his lap.

It's been snowing nonstop since Friday. At least it seems that way. I feel trapped in the house because driving is a pain and I don't feel like taking the kids anywhere. I got some groceries last night so hopefully we're all set for a little while at least.

I think I want to go back to work. I'm tired of not having money that's "mine" (yeah I know we're married and it's all supposed to be "ours" but I'll never feel right about that). I don't feel safe depending on someone else. I've been screwed too many times by people that claimed to love me. I'll probably never trust anyone the way I used to. I'd rather know that I could take care of myself and my kids without anyone's help. But I don't see that happening.

I'm depressed again today. I know what I should do. I KNOW what I should do. But instead I will probably stew in my depressing juices and get even more upset about things that I should do.

What a happy Christmas time post.

2008-12-19T22:26:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to share a photo from today. This is Noah with his new Build-a-bear Cat (Tatum) and the Nintendo DS. I thought he looked pretty sweet cuddling his new kitty. And I thought I should share that he was a great brother today telling the Guest Services lady how mean Santa was to Ben. I love that my boys can fight like crazy but then defend each other and stick up for each other. The only time Noah's been in trouble at school was when he pushed a boy because he thought the boy pushed Ben. I told him it was wrong but inside I was so happy to know that he did that for Ben. I do have some pretty good kids.

We don't believe anymore

2008-12-19T13:42:00.001-05:00

Santa on my door, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Today was a snow day so I packed the kids into the car and we headed over to the mall for our annual Build-A-Bear trip. $100 later we were the proud parents of a bear wearing camo, a turtle in a rock n roll shirt, and a cat with a pink nose with a hoody & jeans. We decided to walk around a little since the roads were horrible and we had nowhere else we had to be. I remembered that Santa hung out by the movie theater and Noah really enjoyed sitting on his lap last year and telling him what he wanted. So we headed up and only Noah was interested in visiting with him. Nicole, Ben and I stood by watching. Well, let me just tell you first that Santa isn't a really big deal for us. He only gets credit for the stockings and even then I don't do anything to make it special: No milk & cookies, no reindeer food, no footprints etc. So my kids believing Santa is real is not something I ever really worry about. Well, Noah sat next to santa and he looked very serious while he told him that he helps out around the house. Then Santa paused and looked at Ben who was standing by me and patted the seat on his other side and I told Ben "go ahead and sit by him if you want" but he didn't want to so he sat down next to me to watch Noah. No big deal. I'm a little creeped out by the guy too. SO then Santa looks at me and says (about Ben) "He doesn't mind very well, does he?" To which I replied "It's ok. He's just a little scared". And then HE said "What? He's SCARED? Give me a break. A little baby I could see being scared but look at how big he is." And I said "It's OK" and I put my hand on Ben to reassure him that he was OK. And then this freakin' Santa man looks at my 7 year old and starts saying that he should be ashamed when he doesn't get any presents under the tree and asks Ben if he believes Santa is real (and poor little Ben nodded his head, "yes, I believe he's real". and I could just see the look in his eyes, he was so embarrassed and felt so bad. And I just stood there in shock that SANTA of all people was doing this to a 7 year old! I finally got them out of there and I took Ben and told him "that is NOT Santa. Santa wouldn't do that to you. He's fake and he was mean". I was so mad. I went and filed a complaint with the mall so hopefully they'll do something about this guy. I really dont' care if my kids believe or not but I don't want them thinking Santa is the type of person that would make a little boy feel so bad for being scared of sitting on a stranger's lap. What a jerk. Then I called Mike and told him he may have to get some bail money together because I was about to punch Santa in the nose. He didn't think that was a good idea

Did you know...

2008-12-18T08:11:00.002-05:00

I have no idea what to get my very own daughter for Christmas? I've tried finding something for her on at least 5 different occasions and yesterday I got her Deoderant, Mouthwash, Toothpaste & Bodywash. I buy each of my kids 3 gifts for Christmas and the rule is 1 - Educational 2 - Practical 3 - Fun. The Practical is almost always a new pair of Christmas Pajamas and the Educational is fairly loosely defined (I got the boys a digital art studio and Nicole is getting a Cartoonist kit). The Fun is always easy for the boys. They have no problem telling me what they want all year long. If it's Pokemon or Mario they are all for it (although this year I went in a new direction for Ben and got him a Batcave.) Nicole though...I don't know WHAT to get her for her fun gift. I don't think toiletries fall into that category. She doesn't give me much help either. So unfortunately I am probably going to end up giving her money.
That for the first time since I can remember I don't have any place I HAVE to be on Christmas Eve OR Christmas. I don't even know what to do with that. Obviously I have to be at church on Christmas morning (because I have to play handbells...and because it's CHRISTmas - where else would I be). But other than that I have both days completely open to whatever I want to be doing with my husband and kids. Last year we had Chinese for Dinner and went to a movie on Christmas day. Should we do that again? Hmmmm. I like Chinese. I like Movies.
My daughter won't be home on Christmas and it breaks my heart. Unfortunately that is a result of divorce and I know all too well what it's like to be a kid pulled in all different directions on the holidays. And I had to let her go this time. And it stinks. Because I want my kids together to open gifts and enjoy the day. And I know she wants to be home but she also wants to be with her dad and grandma & aunt and cousins. I'm almost crying right now thinking about it. One of many reasons I don't enjoy Christmas like I wish I did.
I've been off by a day almost all week. Tuesday I woke up and got everything ready for Coffee Break (mostly that just involves me taking a shower early, getting Noah's school things ready early and making sure his snack was in his backpack) only to find out it wasn't Wednesday. ANd then last night at Bible Study I made a comment about our class running late and it was ok since Survivor wasn't on anymore (which is on Thursdays). I'm just all messed up this week. Today feels like Friday, too. Probably because I'm anticipating a snow day tomorrow and that would make today a Friday-like day. :)
I am doing a Beth Moore Bible Study at church and I'm not getting as much from it as I want to because I am not making myself take the time to do the work. And I keep telling myself I WILL. Because it's a great study and I KNOW I'll be changed by it.
I haven't been taking pictures. I'm in a photographic rut. Hopefully that will change soon because taking pictures is something I really enjoyed and I don't want to lose that.
I'm not the mom or wife I want to be and I'm having a hard time changing that. I have a feeling I have some things I need to confront and give up to God before I can truely change but I'm not sure what the things are.

Stolen Meme from Judy & Kris

2008-12-16T08:55:00.006-05:00

Becki took this photo when we were at the Fish Ladder in the fall. It's Mike & Ben and it's one of my most favorite photos EVER of them. Thanks Becki!

A Meme I Stole from Judy (who stole it from Kris)

Do you like cheese? Yes. Except for those squares wrapped in cellophane.

Have you ever smoked? A lot. And I sort of miss it sometimes. It's been about 8 years.

Do you own a gun? No and I don't think I ever would - not because I'm against guns but because I'd be paranoid about my kids finding it and playing with it.

Do you like listening to Christmas music? For about a month out of the year. Before Thanksgiving I don't think it's necessary.

Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not usually. I think they probably get nervous when they see ME.

What do you think of hot dogs? I like Koegal's. Yum. with chili or sauerkraut. And pickles and onions and ketchup.

What is your favorite Christmas song of all time? Wow...I'm not real sure. I've always loved 'O Holy Night' but there are others I really like too...Like the ones I have here on my bloggy thing.

What do you prefer to drink in the morning? I don't know that I have a preference. If I HAD to choose I think it would be Orange Juice (with pulp).

Can you do push ups? Not the "real kind". Maybe the girly ones.

Who is you favorite Grey's Anatomy character? I don't know. I watch it but most of the characters have disappointed me in some way. I'd have to go with Izzy.

What is your favorite piece of jewelry? My engagement ring. It's pretty much my only jewelry.

What is your favorite hobby? Taking pictures.

Do you eat "exotic" foods? I can't think of any. Peanut Butter & dill pickle sandwiches, does that count?

Do you have A.D.D.? I doubt it.

What one trait do you hate about yourself? My anger

What is your middle name? Erin

Name three thoughts that you are having at this exact moment. 1. Mamma Mia is on DVD today 2. I wonder if there are Anger Management places 3. I need to get to Target

Name three things that you bought yesterday. 1. Gas That's it.

Name three things you regularly drink. 1. A&W Rootbeer 2. Water 3. 2% Milk

Current hate. Cold

Favorite place to be. At my mom's

How did you bring in the New Year? I was in my driveway lighting papers that said 2007 on fire for my new 365 day project.

Where would you like to go? Disney World

Do you own flip-flops? No. I hate that feeling of something between my toes.

What shirt are you wearing? A red T-shirt with my red hooded sweatshirt and my winter coat over that (I was just stopping in to pay a bill before heading out again - that was an hour ago)

Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Not at all. Unless I'm wearing head to toe clothing so I can't feel them. Although even then it would probably feel all slippery. NO thank you.

Can you whistle? Yes.

What is your favorite color? Cerulean Blue

What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't like to sing in the shower. I like to get it done and be out. But I like to sing ABBA in the car.

Favorite girl's name. Nicole

Favorite boy's name. Benjamin (although I love Noah just as much) And I like Calvin too.

What is in your pocket right now? $14.57, my debit card, Nicole's gift card and a hair thingy.

Last thing that made you laugh? Judy's Meme answers

Worst injury you've ever had. I can't think of anything. The after effects of the eye surgery were pretty bad but that wasn't really an INJURY.

Do you love where you live? Not so much.

How many TV's do you have? 3 but I only use one.

Who is your loudest friend? Huh. I'd have to go with Solange. She's a lot like me.

How many pets do you have? 2 dogs

Do you get embarrassed easily? Unfortunately, No. And that makes me even more likely to say things I shouldn't.

What is your favorite book? The Bible. But I love to read so there are a LOT of books I love.

What is your favorite candy? I don't have a favorite. They're all so good.

What song do you want played at your funeral? I already made my pictures Slideshow for my funeral a couple of years ago. I think "Fly to Jesus" was on there. I do love that song. I also like "I can Only Imagine". And "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley. I guess I don't care too much since I won't be there.

What were you doing at 12:00 AM last night? Looking at houses on GRAR.com

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? Please let there be a snow day.

10 days

2008-12-15T15:56:00.006-05:00

I can't believe Christmas is just 10 days away. Noah made a paper chain in his Story Hour class and he's been counting down so I always know exactly how many more days.
The boys had their Christmas program at church last night and I thought I'd share a couple of photos. I had a hard time getting good ones because of the lighting. And then I had a hard time editing because I foolishly uninstalled my Photoshop from my computer without making sure I still had the disk to re-install it. Oops. So what you see is edited on my cheap Windows photo editing. ick.

You can barely see Noah but he's on the far right in the khaki pants and forest green shirt. I think this was right after he was jumping and spinning and making me think maybe he was going to fall off the risers. Don't the kids look cute in their Christmas attire? I think so, too. And Can you sense the chaos that comes with having a large group of 2-5 year olds on a stage? It was a good time. And for once my kids weren't the ones wandering around the stage and shaking presents. :) That was these two:

I know it's blurry. And really the only reason I'm including this one is because you can actually see Noah up there better. See him? Behind the kid with the ultra-bright hair and red shirt.

Here are the 1st - 5th graders singing like angels :) Ben's in the front (I really don't know why) in the khaki pants and forest green sweater (hmmmm....I made my boys match) and he's holding his pants out so he looks like Ronald McDonald. Two of my nephews are in this picture too but you can't see their whole heads. Jacob is cut off on the top row (on the right) and Jeremy is behind the kid in the blue shirt who is apparently belting it out and to the right of the kid in the stripey shirt. Oh and I should mention that one of the little girls I want Ben to marry (not that he's going to be married to more than one but we have to have more than one to choose from in case things don't work out) is in the red & white plaid dress next to the boy in the blue shirt who is apparently belting it out. Her mom plays handbells with me.

So there you have it. It was a nice program...very short and to the point. :)

I am finding that I'm not as done with Christmas shopping as I had thought. It turns out I have to get small gifts for things like School "holiday" parties (if they're not going to CALL it a Christmas party, why should I have to pay for gifts?) and Nicole's GEMS party. And of course I haven't gotten anything for Nicole yet because I still don't have a clue of what to do for her. I DID get my Bear Bucks from Build-a-bear though so I can take the kids again this year. We LOVE Build-a-Bear.

I also signed our family up to provide a Christmas meal to a family in need and I have to get that done. I've never actually done this before so I'm having a hard time of knowing what's right and wrong. Do I get gifts for the kids? Do I give them just a meal? I have no idea. So I'm covering all the bases and getting each of the kids a small gift to go with their meal. :)

It's busy busy busy here. Well, actually tonite's schedule is clear now that Boyscout Carolling is canceled due to weather. I'm very happy about that because it's COLD and snowy outside and I don't want to go anywhere. Here's my schedule. I always feel better when I type it up because then I realize it's not so bad.

Monday: Christmas Carolling with Ben at Retirement home - Cancelled (Yay!)

Tuesday: Mamma Mia comes out on DVD! - TARGET!!! (and finish up Christmas shopping)

Cubscout Pack Meeting

Wednesday: Coffee Break

GEMS - Nicole

Beth Moore Bible Study (OOPS...I have homework)

Thursday: Handbell Practice

Ornament Exchange (after Handbell Practice)

Mike - Annual Christmas shopping trip with his friend, Mark

Friday: Christmas Parties at school for Ben & Noah

Build-a-bear?

Saturday: Christmas at Dad's!

That's not so bad except for that homework I have to get done. I guess I will do that tonite. :)

Saturday

2008-12-14T14:59:00.002-05:00

I was able to go to my mom & Ted's Saturday for the WHOLE day without the boys. I need that sometimes. Even though it makes me feel guilty for even saying that. But after spending every day with them I need some time when I can do things I WANT to do instead of what I'm EXPECTED to do. So that's what I did.

My mom and Ted each took a team of dogs out with their sleds and I rode on the back of their neighbor kid's snowmobile and took pictures. The kid driving was Jake and I want my daughter to marry him. But I can't talk about it because it bugs her. And I figure if I don't talk about it maybe she'll realize how great he is instead of rebelling.

This past week has been rough. I can really tell that my depression is starting to creep back into my life and I hate it. But at the same time I don't want to be on medication anymore because it makes me feel so "bleh". I don't like not being able to cry. I like crying sometimes. Like in church this morning when we were singing about Christms coming. I don't like feeling irritable and impatient with my kids though. And unfortunately that's a part of me when I'm not taking something to help me control it. There are so many things I need to change about myself but when I'm depressed I instantly think it would just be better not to exist at all...and then I want to sleep and be left alone. And it's so irrational if you look at my life. I have great kids and a great husband. We're healthy, my husband has a job and we have a home with heat and food. And I have good friends. And I am able to stay home with my kids. And I have a church family who genuinely loves me and my family. And I have God. But none of that means much when I'm in one of these funks. I can tell myself over and over how good it is...but I can also go right back to the fact that everyone deserves better than I give and since I can't/don't/won't give it I may as well not even be in their lives. Depression sucks. But don't worry. I'll get through it like I always do and maybe I'll even go to the doctor and get back on medication. I don't want to do that but I guess I need to face the fact that I need to be on something or I will always be prone to depression.

I need to ask for prayers for a friend I met on Flickr. She lives close by and we've actually met a few times by chance. (at Target - she actually recognized me the first time near the book section) Well, anyway, I consider her my friend and she needs prayer so I'm asking others who are willing to pray for her. She is going in Monday for a partial Mastectomy and then about a month later she has to start her Radiation treatments. Please pray for strength and peace for her and her family.

snow angel

2008-12-06T16:56:00.001-05:00

snow angel, originally uploaded by laniee75.

We've got plenty of snow (enough to last me all winter). The kids and I went out to play in the yard for a little while. I'm sure anyone with kids knows what a production it is to get kids ready to go out in the snow. We had to do a bit of glove/mitten shuffling because Nicole doesn't have warm gloves yet this year. And she doesn't have boots either so she wore her old ones from last year which I had passed onto Ben this year and he wore his old ones from last year. I think it took a good 45 minutes to get everyone situated. I was happy to see Nicole out playing with her brothers. When I was 14 I don't think I would have wanted to do that (of course I had no litlte brothers and sisters to play with so who knows?). I made them all hot chocolate but only Noah and NIcole drink it because Ben was upset that his marshmallows disolved. Cheap marshmallows. I think I should invest in some REAL marshmallows and show them what REAL hot chocolate is like. That Swiss Miss chocolate water is not quite the same.

Nicole and I got to spend last night with Becki's little guy, Ryan. I found out quickly that having a 2 year old is a lot different than a 5 year old. For one thing, you have to make sure their macaroni & cheese is cooled down before you give it to them or they will dig in with both hands and burn themselves. Luckily Vince was there to remind me on that one. I did get to rock Ryan to sleep though. It was so sweet...I had forgotten how nice it is to have them rest their heads on your shoulder and feeling their little bodies relax and hearing their breathing slow down. I miss that. The funniest part last night was when Ryan was watching his favorite show (Yo Gabba Gabba - I said HIS favorite - not mine) and Nicole was asking him a question. He turned and looked at her real quick and said something that sounded just like "just shut up". I'm SURE we misheard (especially since mostly he speaks in his own strange language that we can't quite understand).

Did you notice I have music on my blog now? It took me forever to figure that out. I was very impressed with myself. :)

Peppermint Tree 2008

2008-12-04T13:15:00.001-05:00

Peppermint Tree 2008, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Here it is. With 108 peppermint candycanes. yum.

I'm debating on whether or not to put the presents under the tree. A few years ago the boys opened all of the presents (twice!) but I'm thinking they're old enough now to stay away. Or maybe I don't want ot tempt them.

A great raffle for 3 great causes

2008-12-02T10:43:00.004-05:00

I added a button on my sidebar (on the very top)that you should check out. All proceeds are going to three causes (String of Pearls, No Hands But Ours & The Elison Project). The raffle is for an awesome Canon XSI camera package. If you'd like to enter click on the button and it will take you to Mckmamma's blog where she has a ton of information. And while you're there take your time and read through her blog and be prepared to fall in love with an awesome family (and 4 adorable kids - one of whom is an absolute miracle). Also have tissues handy because, if you're anything like me, you will cry (and laugh) a lot of tears.

Cody

2008-12-02T10:16:00.001-05:00

Cody, originally uploaded by laniee75.

My mom just called me this morning to tell me that Cody died. He had an accident and he couldn't be saved. Poor guy. He was about 30 years old and a really sweet horse. You can look back in my blog and see a photo of Noah riding him. I don't know if I'll tell Noah that he died.

I got new stockings and 60 candycanes today so that I can decorate my tree. I decided that I'm not going to use ornaments...only candycanes. That way it will undecorate itself! :) YAY! Now I just have to get motivated to put the thing up.

I'm about 95% done with Christmas shopping now. Just a few nephews and a gift for NIcole and I'm D-O-N-E! WOOOHOOOO. It's always easier for me to relax and enjoy the holiday when I don't have to worry about gifts.

Nicole has her first babysitting job (outside of her brothers) this Friday. She's going to be babysitting Becki's kids (mostly Ryan I suspect since Alex is 10 and pretty self-sufficient). I'm going along since it's her first time just so she can get comfortable and used to it. The following weekend she is taking a Red Cross Babysitting class to learn CPR & First Aid. Hopefully she'll have a good time. I don't think she's looking forward to it since she found out it's going to be ALL day.

Tonite is my night "off" (which only means I don't have to be anywhere but home) so we'll probably watch the new Narnia movie and have some popcorn and maybe play a few board games if we have time. The boys had a great time beating me at Disney Sorry the other day. They think it's funny when I lose. Fortunately when they lose they don't get too upset. I hope they stay that way.

The Christmas Tree

2008-11-29T13:50:00.001-05:00

The Christmas Tree, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I am admittedly (sp?) a scrooge when it comes to Christmas. I have a lot of reasons but I don't want to get into them here. I have finally decided how I'm going to handle it and I'm not going to feel guilty about anything.

See my new Christmas tree? I love it but for some reason my family thinks it would be cruel not to put up the "real" Christmas tree (which is actually artificial and ugly). The one I have up is so easy to take care of and it came with it's own Linus Blanket! How handy is that??? And I told my kids that if something doesn't fit under this tree they won't get it for Christmas. Ha...right. Actually I'm about 80% done with my Christmas shopping. I stayed up until 3AM on Thanksgiving night shopping online. Unfortunately most of it's not shipping until December 16 for some reason and I'm having Christmas at my dad's on the 20th. I have a bad feeling about that one.

Well, I guess maybe I'll go look at the old Christmas tree and decide if I want to deal with it this year. I'm sure the kids will win this battle.

Prayer of thanksgiving

2008-11-27T10:33:00.001-05:00

Prayer of thanksgiving, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my friends and family (and even those I don't know). I have so much to be thankful for. I can't even begin to list it all. But here's my top 10:

1) My God - He loves me despite the fact that I am a sinner and come nowhere near what he wants me to be

2) My family - I have a great family...including my in-laws and even my ex-in-laws.

3) My friends. I have the best friends in the world. I have friends that would do anything for my family and help me stay on the right path.

4) My country - I feel blessed to live in a country where education is available to all of my children and we have the right to not agree with the government. There are a lot of things I wish were different but overall we are so priveledged.

5) My husbands job - in this economy and in this state we are so blessed to have job security and pay that covers all of our needs.

6) My kids school - I have great confidence in the teachers and trust that they are doing all they can to give my kids a good moral and intellectual education.

7) My home - I don't always love it but I am thankful to have it.

8) Health - I suppose this should be higher on the list. After last year I know not to take it for granted. We are blessed with good health 98% of the time.

9) Frappachinos - after December 31 I will begin to partake in the Starbucks again. mmmmmmm...I've missed them so much.

10) Target

Tiger Cubs

2008-11-20T09:43:00.001-05:00

Tiger Cubs, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Ben recieved his Tiger Totem and his Bobcat Badge. Too bad I can't sew. I have yet to hem his pant legs...you can probably tell in the picture...he's the guy on the far right. See those long pants? His other badges are stuck on with some fancy sticky stuff I paid about $8.00 for at the Scout store. Then someone told me that fabric softener will take the badges right off. So, needless to say, I haven't washed that shirt and I won't until I get someone to sew his badges on. Really, he only wears it about an hour a week. It's not like it's stinky or anything.

Those kids are so cute in their uniforms. Ben likes scouting for the most part but they haven't done any of the really fun stuff yet like camping. They DO have a field trip to the police station and to the Fire station though. You can bet I won't miss those! And my mom doesn't know it yet but I am going to see if she can bring a couple of dogs and a sled down to show the boys sometime over the winter.

Speaking of dogs, I am not in love with this little dog we have here. He's a nice little dog but he follows me and he still has bad breath. I know I have to get him to the vet for a cleaning but geesh, you'd think the toothpaste and breathmints would at least HELP. For some reason Nicole likes to SAY he's her dog but she doesn't like to DO the things that come with that like forking over the $100 to get him to the vet. It's not like she doesn't have it (I'm just kidding! I know it's our responsibility - I just like to tease her).

Hey! I was BORN this way!

2008-11-17T09:17:00.001-05:00

alaine one year, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I always wondered what this Myer-Briggs thing was on my blog-friend Judy's blog. She has on hers that she is Myer-Briggs INTJ and I thought it was a family thing...or some church. HA. Then she mentioned that her dad was a different Myer-Briggs and it clicked with me. I took this personality test on Facebook a while back and this is what it came up with.

Research has found that the Big Five personality traits are significantly related to Jungian Typology (e.g. the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). This is a popular alternative personality framework regularly used for personal development, in which Types are used rather than Traits. Based on your Big Five trait scores, your estimated Type is shown below (if you have already taken a Jungian Typology test and got a different result, this can be changed from the More Options section).

ESFP

Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

ESFPs live in the moment, experiencing life to the fullest. They enjoy people, as well as material comforts. Rarely allowing conventions to interfere with their lives, they find creative ways to meet human needs. ESFPs are excellent team players, focused on completing the task at hand with maximum fun and minimum discord. Active types, they find pleasure in new experiences. ESFPs learn more by doing than by studying or reading, and so they tend to rush into things, learning by interacting with their environment. They usually dislike theory and written explanations. Observant, practical, realistic, and specific, ESFPs make decisions according to their own personal standards. They use their Feeling judgment internally to identify and empathize with others.

I think it's pretty accurate. I don't know that I've changed much over the years other than I am a lot less "shy" than when I was a kid. Although shy isn't the right word. I think once I warmed up to someone I was anything BUT shy. My mom would know...I don't remember much of my childhood. I am always amazed at people who remember things from when they were little. Maybe I rotted the memories out of my brain during my "wild" years.

Twinkly Lights for you

2008-11-15T00:33:00.001-05:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

It's always amazing to me what photos people like. This one seems to be somewhat popular with my Flickr friends. I don't know why exactly. I was just messing around and trying to get some nice bokeh (the round out of focus lights caused by a wide open aperature) from the christmas lights at Meijer Gardens and this is what i got. If I stare at it for a while it actually makes me sick.

I didn't take Ben on his cubscout field trip. Partly because I got home from the doctor, the bank and the pharmacy somewhat late, and partly because I let Nicole leave to go to her dad/grandma's so I didn't have a sitter for Noah. I'm a bad mom. That's not news.

Tonite we had our first small group get together. It was so good to get out of the house and be around other people above the age of 7. I'm excited for this new group. I really did like our old small group but I just felt as if it was time for a change. Our last group was mostly couples with older kids than ours and I just didn't think we were in the same place. This new group will be fun and I think we'll get along well and learn from each other. And if not at least we'll get out of the house once a month!

Tomorrow the snow is supposed to start falling here in Michigan. I watched the weather earlier and it looked as if it's going to last a week or so. ew. I guess it's time to get out the icescraper and boots. Or maybe it's time to move to Florida. That has actually been on my mind a lot lately. I always said I could never leave Michigan because this is where my entire family is. But sometimes I think it would be so nice to live somewhere where it's warm all year. And where I can get an annual pass to Disney and go there every weekend. (Truely, that is the only reason I would EVER move to Florida)

The Movie Watchmen: Monday Fun - An Acapella Trubute To John Williams#links

2008-11-14T11:05:00.001-05:00

The Movie Watchmen: Monday Fun - An Acapella Trubute To John Williams#links

Katie (MacGirl) had this link on her blog and I was entranced for 4minutes and 10 seconds. Then I had to watch it again. It is really cool. Now I'm going to watch it again.

My favorite chair

2008-11-12T10:24:00.001-05:00

Cue the angels, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I was SICK yesterday. A college in our area was closed for a while because of some nasty virus. I guess about 400 of the kids were sick. Well, I think one of them made it into my house somehow and planted their nasty germs on me. I feel as if I'm sick a lot lately. Yesterday was awful though...one of those times where you don't know what to expect so you have to cover both ends (if you know what I mean). Well, I'm quite a bit better today. I think I'm going to make it. I'm trying to drink LOTS of water to make up for a day of losing fluids. But I'm also staying home and taking a nap. NO coffee break and I think I'm going to miss our coffee break get together tonite at Russ's. If you all know what's good for you, you'll stay away from me for a while.

Tomorrow and Friday there's no school. Ben has a field trip to WGVU for Cubscouts tomorrow. I'll try to remember my camera. :) I think he's finally going to get his bobcat badge at the next Pack meeting. I'll try to remember my camera for that too. I haven't been taking many pictures. Everything is just so blah around here. The good colors are pretty much gone and I don't feel like going outside when it's cold and rainy. Hopefully I can at least get myself to bring it to the important things though.

I'm really excited about Disney in May. I bought the plane tickets and I'm making the reservations this week. I still haven't told Nicole, which is a miracle for me. I have a hard time keeping things to myself when I'm excited. But I did tell her she can't miss anymore school if she ever wants to go to Disney. I don't think she caught on.

Dust off the Pal Mickey

2008-11-10T09:57:00.001-05:00

he's ready to go, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I bought this Pal Mickey from Ebay back in the spring for our December trip. He is supposed to talk in the parks and give you information about rides and waits and parades and things like that. When I cancelled our trip for December I figured I could put him on Ebay and get my $50 back. Well - now I can keep him because I'm going back!!! I'm really excited because I talked to Mike and he said it would be OK for Colee and I to go to Disney in May if I could come up with the money. So, I have yet to come up with the money but I will. We will be leaving May 13 and back the 19th. I am getting a good deal on a room because they have a stay 4 days and get three free deal right now, but (including tickets!). And as a BONUS...My little sister Kimmy is going too!! We have enough of a credit from the plane tickets that I can get her ticket as well.

I'm not going to tell Nicole until I know we're going for sure. I don't want to disappoint her again. So if you see her please don't say anything. :)

Friday Finally

2008-11-07T21:11:00.001-05:00

hamster, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I love weekends. I love the freedom from school mostly. I also love that I can visit with family and friends.

Tomorrow we are going to my dad & Karen's. Kim is home from school for the weekend and Karen has made a request for Buckeye balls so I'm going to help her make them. The boys are excited because they know they'll end up playing video games for 8 hours. (yes, I let my kids play video games pretty much non-stop when we are there - so sue me).

Last night was the kids music program. It was really very entertaining (at least the little kids). They did all Mother Goose songs but they were very upbeat and "rock and roll-y". Ben and Noah did great. Then the middle school bands and choirs had their program. That's never what I would call fun. It could be but the music selections are so soooooo boring. And I've heard the majority of them at one time or another. I think it's time for them to pull out the ABBA music. Nicole does a good job though and I love that she is in choir because she really is good with music...she has a great memory and she has been able to carry a tune since she was really small. She won't sing solos but maybe that will come later. Her highschool has a choir so I'm hoping she will want to continue that.

Speaking of high school, I have the paperwork to get Nicole into the new charter high school. She's not happy about it because almost all of her friends (maybe all of them) are going to a public school a district over from us. My choices are to let her go to the public school in our district (blech...not a chance), try to get her into the one her friends are going to and drive her there and back every day where she'll be in a class of 600 kids, send her to the Christian High School and get a job to pay for it, or send her to the charter school where I will have to drive back and forth but there are only 100 kids in her class and she will have a uniform, be expected to take AP courses and be accepted into a 4 year university to graduate. To me it seems like a simple decision. She's not happy. She thinks it should be up to her. But I explained to her that her education is my responsibility until she graduates and I will choose where to send her. I'm sure you can imagine her attitude after that (if you can't just remember what you were like at 13 years old when you didn't get your way).

Well, Mike's out playing poker with the guys in the garage and I'm tired so I think I'm heading off to bed.

Ok...It's going to be ok...

2008-11-05T12:14:00.002-05:00

I've settled down a little bit since last night. Mostly because I went to bed at 2am and was up at 6:30am...but maybe partly because I'm starting to realize there's not a thing I can do to change what happened. Now I just have to hang on for the ride and hope we come out ok on the other end. It sure does scare me though. I hope I'm wrong...I really really hope I am.

I need one of these:

Unfortunately I can't have one until January 1st. I made my list of New Years Resolutions...in fact here it is:

See that one there that says "No more Starbucks :("...well it turns out that's the only one of my goals I am going to meet this year. I haven't had anything from Starbucks since last December. I did buy a mug but I don't think that counts. In case you didn't know, most Target stores in our area have a Starbucks. It's practically torture. Especially since I am in Target a few times a week. (that's where that resolution of "spend less money on crap we don't need" comes in - yeah...I didn't do so well on that one). So now I'm deteremined to make it the rest of the year without my Strawberries & Cream Frappachinos. As Becki knows I am still allowed into Beaners. :)

Big fat lotta good that did

2008-11-05T00:02:00.001-05:00

I did it, originally uploaded by laniee75.

I don't keep it secret that I am conservative...I vote Republican and I probably always will. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't vote for someone else if they stood up for what I believe to be right or if I liked what they had in mind for our country. When Obama first started out with his campaign I thought "now, he seems like a nice guy...very family oriented and down to earth...someone I could get along with." I don't necessarily think he's a bad person. I question some of his friendships and associations because, to me, the President of America should not be friends with someone who actually has tried to harm other Americans or says things like "God D**N America" to a church full of followers. And I don't believe it's right to take from people who have more and give it to those who have less if they don't want to give it themselves. Call me crazy, but I don't feel ENTITLED to have things I haven't earned (or actually that my husband hasn't earned). I don't know...I just have a knot in my stomach...I have all day. I love my country...I want our country to do well and to help others in the world. I want our soldiers to come home safe and soon. But I also want us to be responsible and do what is right - not just what's popular. I don't believe it would be right to bring all of our troops home and just leave them hanging over there. I believe we need to finish what we started. Anyway, what I'm saying is...I'm not happy with the outcome of the election. I have good friends and family that voted for Obama...I know they have their reasons and their own views and I love them just as much despite the fact that we dont' agree politically. I love them and I will TRY not to rub it in their face when things go bad. Just like they TRIED not to when they thought things went bad with George W. Ha.

well, I'm off to bed. Congrats to Obama. I think it stinks but I have to live with it for four years.

Election Day Stress Relief

2008-11-04T13:44:00.001-05:00

Mom & Noah at FMG, originally uploaded by laniee75.

It was a beautiful morning so Noah and I headed out to Frederik Meijer Gardens for a couple of hours before school. I drove through the parking lot of the church where I go to vote first and realized the wait was a bit longer than I could handle with a 5 year old. So off we went. We climbed hills, ran around the children's garden and ate grapes off of a vine we found (we hope they were grapes). I also got to take some pictures with pretty blue skies for a change.

As soon as I dropped Noah off at school I headed over to vote. I got there at 11:45am and I was home and on the computer at 12:00 noon. Not bad :) Now the wait begins. Becki was nice enough to IM me about the caramel apple cider at Beaners so now we're going there tonite. That should help me keep my mind off of what's going on for a little while. And at 10:00 the Iditarod show is on so I will watch that. Yay! I already know who won but I love that show anyway.

From Noah to You

2008-11-03T22:12:00.001-05:00

picnikfile_PkL0ml, originally uploaded by laniee75.

On Election Days I need all the Smoochie Woochies I can get. Noah is the master Smoocher and he gives them on demand...as many as you want. In fact I can get him to do things just by saying "I'll give you a big smoochie woochie." It's amazing. I suppose I should cherish these moments since someday he won't want to do that anymore.

Back to Election Day...yuck. I love that we can vote...and I always do. I even vote in the local elections most times. But these presidential elections are rough. I cry and yell and stomp my feet and pretty much do all the things I grew up watching my dad do while watching football. I don't look forward to these things. I'm not optimistic about the outcome. So maybe I'll just turn off the TV and stay off of the computer and collect the Smoochie Woochies instead. I can't change anything...I'm not in control. And I also know that no matter who wins the election THEY aren't in control. It's all part of the bigger plan. (that sounds good but it sure is hard to live by).

The Other Green Meat

2008-11-03T12:52:00.001-05:00

Alaine's tasty treats, originally uploaded by beckijenn23.

Becki photographed the salt & vinegar crickets. We were in Rockford, Michigan and we stopped in a little candy store called Rudy Kazoody's. They had all kinds of good candy like Zotz & Smarties suckers and candy lipsticks. And then they had these. gross. Who the heck would eat a cricket???? That's just crossing the line. The little box said "The other Green Meat". But the girl at the register started talking to a lady (maybe her mom?) and said "I haven't tried the Salt & Vinegar yet." (which makes me wonder how many flavors they come in) So they dumped them out on the little paper doily and the girl picks one up and EATS IT. Has the world gone mad??? Well, there was talk among us where I dared Becki & she dared me and the girl with cricket legs sticking out of her teeth said they tasted like sunflower seeds. So for some reason I picked up a cricket and looked at it and then, it gets a bit hazy here, I ate it. The older lady gave me a sucker to get rid of the taste but that wasn't the problem. I could feel little dry cricket parts stuck in my throat! Blech. So if you're wondering...they DON'T taste like sunflower seeds. They taste gross. And it's not worth the visual of little cricket parts in your teeth. But I did it and I found out I will never be a candidate for Fear Factor or Survivor.

The cricket I ate is the one on the bottom right...he was missing his big legs so I figured it'd be safer.

Becki won't ever let me live this down.

Something different

2008-11-03T12:05:00.002-05:00

I figured it was time for a change here on my blog. I was tired of the old black. Let me know how you like this new look. Is it too busy?

2008-10-26T08:37:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

It's hard to blog with new pictures when I don't go out and actually TAKE new pictures.
This past week has been stressful. I just kept seeing bills piling up and trying to come up with ways to get more money into our house. Unfortunately I have nothing of value other than my camera...I started thinking about selling it. My husband said no but if I need to I still will. Anyway, Mike and I had to make the decision to cancel the trip to Disney in December. There just wasn't much choice unless we wanted to be in debt up to our eyeballs. It stinks because we've been looking forward to it...especially Nicole and I, and we've been planning this trip since February. So now we aren't going and instead we're going to get caught up on bills.

So, even though that trip is cancelled I mentioned to Mike that if I can somehow come up with the money I would like to take Nicole in May. I asked my little sister when she'd be out of school and hopefully she'd be able to go along as well. We'd stay in a cheaper hotel and stay for less time but it would be nice to get there with Nicole and Kimmy for a short girls vacation. And the cost would be about 1/4 of what we were going to pay for our December trip. PLUS we have a credit with Airtran for $555 so that would take care of the airfare. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because it probably won't happen unless I find a way to make money soon. But I'm going to try. I don't know that Mike's real excited about it though. He'd have to be home with the boys and do the whole school thing on his own.

Today is Nicole's 14th birthday. Last night I was lying in bed remembering when I first "met" her. Unfortunately it's foggy because they had given me Stadol (I hate that drug) to "relax" me. But I do remember very clearly bringing her home and sitting there for hours just looking at her and praying that I could be a good mom to her. I was awfully young...back then I didn't think so but now I can look back and see it. I think I was a good mom to Nicole for the most part...especially when she was younger. Now, it's harder. We butt heads a lot and neither of us are morning people so mornings are usually pretty rough. I just hope she knows that I love her and all I want for her is to be a strong Christian girl. I want her to be happy of course but I think we all know that happiness isn't as important as the JOY of having a relationship with God. I sure wish I had one when I was her age. It would have saved me from so much heartache. I hate to think back and remember what I was doing at her age and think she could make those same decisions. But then I realize she's NOT me...she probably wouldn't do the things I did. She's going to be ok. She's made it 14 years and has done nothing to make me think she's on the wrong track. And I know I don't deserve all of the credit for it...God loves Nicole more than I do (I have a hard time comprehending that).

Blah...anyway, it's my baby's birthday. I have brownies in the oven for her. I even put milk duds in them since she loves them. And as soon as she gets home from her grandma's we are leaving for my dad & Karen's to celebrate. 14 years! 14 very short years...I wish I had a good photo to put up of her when she was younger. I need to get on that and start scanning some in.

Noah - future veterinarian

2008-10-20T12:13:00.001-04:00

, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Noah got to ride Cody on Saturday. He definitely is the most adventurous of my kids. He still says he wants to be a veterinarian but he also wants to be a cartoonist. Ha. What a goofball.

I wish my mom could have a horse again. At least her neighbors have horses so she can get her fix. She loves to brush them and kiss them and just be by them. Except when they bite her back...that she didn't like so much.

the winners

2008-10-13T09:57:00.001-04:00

the winners, originally uploaded by laniee75.

Could you keep the gunfire down?

2008-10-13T09:56:00.001-04:00

Could you keep the gunfire down?, originally uploaded by laniee75.